A black canopy.
A bare back.
The sky above my head. Flashes of bare skin. Heat on my arms, close, too close—
My world vanishes into cold, the buzzing in my ears dulling as my nose burns. And then those hands are on me again, pulling me up, shaking me. My name rings in my ears, called in panicked tones.
Fuck. Fuck—
I heave, doubling over as I wrap my arms around myself. I can’t look at him. “Put – put your shirt on.Please.”
I stay like that, trying to catch my breath as he throws himself away from me. Seconds, countless seconds as I focus on breathing until he makes his way back to me.
“Cat,” he breathes in anguished tones. His hands are up, stretching toward me, but he doesn’t come closer. “Tell me what that was.”
My panicked breathing turns to shudders. “No.”
“Tell me,” he says it again, his voice hoarse with panic. “Tell me so I can make sure itneverhappens again.”
I scared him. Scared myself.
My throat aches when I finally speak. “When I was – there. He kept injecting me with ket. Over and over again. And I couldn’t remember what happened, not properly – I stopped knowing what was real and what wasn’t.”
His fists clench, but he waits, his eyes on mine.
“I would have these dreams,” I say brokenly. “All the time. Where I would see you – all of you, and we would be living a normal life, and it was perfect. And then it would twist, and change, and I couldn’t work out if I was awake or asleep.”
His face crumples, agony crossing it. “Tentazione.”
But I hold up a hand. If I stop, I don’t think I’ll be able to start again.
“But I kept seeing the same thing, over and over again. This black canopy above my head, and – and a bare back.”
Slowly, he looks down. And then up, at the sky.
I grip myself, my nails digging into my arms. “That – that was real. It washim, sleeping, and I was just… laying there, and I knew what had happened. Maybe I thought he was one of you – or maybe I was too out of it to realize, but I don’t remember fighting it. He took what he wanted, and I couldn’t stop him. I didn’t stop him.”
Nausea surges, my hand slamming over my mouth until it passes. I swallow, several times and take a breath.
“I don’t remember the details. And maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe it isn’t. And I still – I stillwantyou. All of you. I was withLuc, before, and he kept his shirt on and it was fine. I’mfine. Just – that’s a bad combination for me.”
I grip my elbows, falling silent.
The water sloshes as he moves closer. “Can I…?”
I nod. Stare at the soaked cotton of his white shirt as he moves to stand in front of me. He takes my fingers and presses it to his chest. “Do you feel this?”
His heartbeat pounds beneath my touch, and I nod again.
Carefully, he leans forward, until our foreheads press together. And when he speaks, there’s an edge to his voice that I haven’t heard before. “This is the heartbeat of a man who loves you with everything he is, Caterina Corvo. I want tokillhim for what he did to you. Rip him apart with my bare fucking hands, but you did that already. Don’t you dare stand there and tell me you didn’t fight, when he is dead and you’re standing here in front of me.”
My lungs feel a little less tight at his words.
“He took something from me,” I admit. “I’m not the same person that I was three months ago.”
“None of us are the same people we were.” His heartbeat thumps against my palm, as if confirming the truth of his words. “But your heart hasn’t changed, Cat.”
“A little more fragile, maybe.”
