Or explain that I never wanted to meet anyone else anyway?
Neither of the two options sound particularly appealing, so I opt to just stay quiet, trying not to squirm as Silas rubs the blood between his fingers. His eyes narrow as he glances back down. “You’ve never had sex.”
I clamp my mouth closed. At this stage, the seventh circle of hell couldn’t persuade me to talk to him about this. He doesn’t look like he’s giving up, though, and after a minute I unclamp my lips enough to sigh. “This is really none of your business.”
His other hand tightens on my leg, gripping it. “Like hell it isn’t. You should have told me.Before.”
Before he fucked me with his fingers like we were going for a damn world record?
“I can’t remember an appropriate moment for me to volunteer that information. Not that you’re entitled to it, in any case.”
Awkwardly, I struggle to sit up, but he snares me with a hand around my waist. A finger tips my chin towards him.
“You’re still a virgin,” he says slowly. When I see the look in his eyes, my own roll, and I stagger to my feet. This time, he lets me go, even as his hands follow, holding my waist so I can’t move more than a step away.
Possessive fuckingcaveman. “Try to hide your sheer delight at the idea.”
Twisting, I turn to look down at him. He looks a little dazed. And a whole lot of smug. “Silas.”
When he looks up at me, opening his mouth, I hold up my hand. “Do you still hate me?”
He blinks. “What?”
Slowly, I sweep a hand down my body, trying not to point to the obvious place. “Now that you’ve… worked it out of your system. Do you still hate me?”
Maybe I’m saying it wrong. Because he’s staring at me likeI’mthe psychopath who enjoys the idea of taking someone’s virginity by finger fucking them until they climax so hard their eyes roll back in their head.
“Anastasia,” he says slowly. And then he stands.
I take a step back, ready to run, but his hands slide to my waist, stopping me from moving.
“Listen to me,” he says shortly. “I could have ten lifetimes with you, and it would not be enough to work you out of my system.”
Oh.My breath catches.
I swallow. “And the… and the hate? Strong dislike?”
“I never hated you,” he says quietly. “I was devastated by you. There is a difference.”
I was devastated by you.
I close my eyes. Take a breath. And then I reach out to him, with my words. Try to broach the distance between us that opened up on that night, and never closed.
“I’m sorry that I lied to you.”
When I open them again, he’s watching me. Slowly, I lift up my hands and cover his.
“I’m sorry,” I say again. He doesn’t respond, just watches me. But his hands still hold me tightly, so tightly but socarefullythat a lump appears in my throat. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. What she was like. And I’m sorry that I didn’t – that I didn’t come to you first. Before I tried to- before all of that happened.”
His hands flex on my waist. “Why didn’t you?”
He sounds pained. “If you had – things would have been different.”
I bite my lip. Try to explain. I’ve neverhadto before, never had to actually find the words and give them life by voicing them. And I struggle to find them now, despite the fact that I’ve had this conversation with Silas a thousand times over in my head.
Although I never imagined it quite like this.
“Because that was… it was what we did. We would stay somewhere, for a while. And then we would run. And I’d never – there was never anyone I cared about before. That I had to leave behind, I mean. And she was so – she was so awful, that day. I didn’t know what to do.”
