My lip trembles again and I look down at my hands. “It hurts, Ezra,” I whisper. I don’t mean my body, but he understands.
“I know, darlin’. I don’t know what those boys were doing, but I swear to you, Harper,” he says, placing his hand over mine. I grip it like a lifeline. “Ipromiseyou; those boys would rather cut their own arms off than do you any harm.”
I so badly want to believe him, but I’ve had my hopes broken down so many times before that I don’t think I’ve got any more of it left in me. “Why were they talking about…that, if they weren’t going to do it?”
“Well truthfully, I don’t know. But I know that pack, and I know my grandson. And I saw the way they reacted when you were hurt. They were devastated. Beyond devastated.”
A small kindle of hope flickers to life inside my chest. Maybe… maybe I did have it wrong. Maybe there’s a good explanation.
Ezra hesitates and I glance at him, tensing.
“When you were sleeping, I took the boys downstairs and explained something to them. I’d like to share the same thing with you, if you wouldn’t mind.”
A little confused, I just nod at him.
Ezra explains his history. His hand trembles slightly in mine, and I squeeze it a little tighter as he talks through his relationship with Ivy and the horrors that followed them. My heart hurts for him, and tears start falling again. At this rate, I won’t have any left in me.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Ezra,” I say softly. My heart is breaking all over again to imagine Ezra as a young alpha with a baby in his arms and no hope of seeing his wife again. And Ace. This was his grandmother.
Ezra clears his throat, wiping roughly at his eyes. “I know it’s not the easiest to hear, and I’m sorry for it. It wasn’t my intention to upset any of you, but I think it’s important that you understand the context of your own circumstances, and I know the damn compound wouldn’t have told you the truth.” His mouth curls in derision.
My expression must show how confused I am. “Harper,” Ezra explains, a hint of sympathy in his tone. “The way that you and the pack are both acting… you’re forming a mating bond. Atruemate bond, like Ivy and I had. A close one, too, from the state of you all.”
I stare at him, uncomprehending. “A mating bond?” The words sound strange on my tongue. I don’t know what a mating bond is. Is it like a bitemark?
Ezra nods. “I wanted to explain this to the boys, but there hasn’t been time. Will you come downstairs with me so we can all talk it through together?” When I hesitate, looking at the door, he presses my hand between his. “I promise you, there’s absolutely nothing to be concerned about. I’ll stay with you the whole time if you want me to.”
If I don’t do this, then I won’t know if I got it wrong. And I desperately want to see them. I want Rogue to wrap his arms around me and hold me tight, Dev to call me a princess in his gruff tone. I want Gabe to fuss around me and Ace to sit close to me, protecting me from the world. But I won’t get that unless I pull myself together. Sucking in a breath for fortitude, I climb off the bed. Ezra reaches out to catch me as I wobble and nearly fall.
“Careful, doll,” he mutters. “You’re gonna be weak for a little while. Let me help you, hmm?”
He carefully wraps an arm around me, and we slowly move out of the bedroom. Ezra checks on me every few steps to make sure I’m not about to pass out. Dread and anticipation are mixing up in my stomach. I twist my fingers uneasily in my pajamas as we head slowly downstairs and towards the snug, bracing myself.Don’t get too excited, Harper, I tell myself.This could be a trick.
But I need to know.
ChapterThirty-Seven
Gabe
My instincts are in a frenzy. They’re clawing at my insides, demanding that I go to Harper now. I need to see her. I need to apologize. Get on my knees and fucking beg her to forgive me.
Guilt rears up again and Rogue pushes a wave of reassurance down the bond. Ace reaches over and squeezes my thigh gently. The touches are a comfort, but they don’t take away the self-condemnation I feel.
If I hadn’t insisted on having that fucking freezer installed. If I’d shown her how to use it. If I’d checked it sooner. If I’d checked on her last night instead of giving her the space she’d asked for, worried that we’d overwhelmed her.
I run my hands over my jeans, picking at a loose thread. This is my fault. I made the pack put that freezer in, so I didn’t have to go out as much. We all knew it, as much as I pretended it was because we all eat so much and they pretended that yes, that was exactly the reason that we needed a massive freezer built with enough space to feed twenty people a day.
It was just…easier. It meant fewer trips into public, fewer expressions of pity, or the occasional gasp of horror at my scar. Sure, you get used to it, but… you don’t, really. Every time you feel like yourself again, a look or a word brings it straight back up again. Having the freezer meant I could stock us with enough food to last for months, the guys bringing any perishables home with them after work.
I’ll never complain again,I promise to who knows who.I’ll own the scar and flip off anyone who looks at me twice.Just please let her forgive me.
Shuffling footsteps reach my ears. We all spring up, looking frantically at each other. Rogue heads back to the armchair and Dev, Ace and I all sink back down, trying to look like we haven’t all been sat here staring fixatedly at the ceiling for the past damn hour. I struggle with where to put my arms for a moment but give in the urge and sit forward, straining to catch a glimpse of Harper.
She slowly wobbles into view, Ezra with his arms wrapped around her for balance. Rogue smothers a growl and I resist the urge to rip her away from him.Ours.
I scan her, checking for myself that she’s here. When I get to her face, I growl, the noise low and frantic. She looks scared out of her mind. Something scrambles in my brain at the sight and the noise from the others tell me that they’ve picked up on it too.
We all stand up, the sudden movement making Harper jump as Ezra tries to steady her. He shoots us a warning look as Harper shrinks back, a whimper coming from her throat.
