“I did?” His eyes brighten, and he blushes lightly. He traces his finger across his scar. It’s clearly a reflex.
I don’t know enough about this pack. Who they are, their lives before me. How Gabe got that scar. I want to know. Possessiveness rises up in me, anger on behalf of a man who’s treated me like a queen but clearly doesn’t have a huge amount of self-worth if he’s that surprised that I like his kisses.
“Gabe?” I ask. There must be something in my tone because he sighs and turns back to his pan. For a moment, I think he’s ignoring me, and a pang of hurt flickers. Something inside me needs to understand his hurt.You can’t help him if you don’t know, my mind whispers.
A stab of surprise runs through me when he just turns off the heat. The resignation on his face tugs at my heart. He looks like he’s bracing for bad news.
He catches my hand and tows me out of the kitchen, entwining our fingers together. I curl into his grip as he pulls me gently into the snug.
“Sit with me?” he asks uncertainly, and I drop down onto the leather loveseat beside him, curling up and resting my head on his shoulder.
We sit in silence for a few minutes, Gabe staring at the ceiling like he’s searching for the right words. Guilt fills me. It’s not my place to make him face his demons. God knows I have enough of my own.
“We don’t have to talk about this.” The words are a whisper, and he shakes his head softly, gripping my hand like a tether.
“I want to talk about it with you,” he admits. “I should have already. I just didn’t know where to start.” He lifts our joined hands up. “I’m going to need to keep hold of this for a bit though.” His forlorn expression just about breaks my heart.
“I won’t let go.” It’s a small vow, but it makes him smile slightly.
ChapterThirty
Gabe
Iblow out a breath, gripping Harper’s hand in mine. She deserves to hear this. For a brief, painful moment, I wish Ace was here. This story belongs to him, too.
To us.
* * *
I was sixteen years old when I finally understood that I was in love with my best friend.
All four of us were out exploring in the woods behind Rogue’s house. Devlin and Rogue were arguing about whether we wanted to try and build a treehouse and if we actually knew how to do it.
Ace and I were messing around, chucking sticks at each other. He’d reached down, scooped up a handful of mud and advanced on me as I backed up.
“Don’t even—”
The mud had hit me in the face before I could finish, the noisy splat as it hit my cheek sending Ace into hysterics. I’d retaliated, jumping on him and shoving the muck down the back of his shirt, and it had turned into war.
When we finally paused for breath, both of us rolling onto our backs, he’d casually reached out and linked our hands together, his pinky curling around mine. I’d stopped breathing altogether. I just felt… happy.
He’d turned his head to look at me, and I’d done the same. And our mouths met in an awkward, fierce clash of lips and teeth and anxiety and sheer fucking pleasure that made my eyes burn and my heart sing.
That was it. Devlin and Rogue didn’t bat an eyelid – Devlin’s raised brow told me that he might have suspected long before anything happened.
Society wasn’t as kind. Male beta couples are a common sight, but two alphas? Alphas are supposed to be dominant, strong, male. Alphas are supposed to fuck females. And although I was definitely an alpha, I didn’t have the same dominance as the rest of my future pack. I was slightly shorter, slightly slimmer. I didn’t give a flying fuck, though. I was more than happy with who I was.
Whilst the guys threw themselves into special ops training as we grew older and formed our own official pack, I was happy to sit on the sidelines and cheer them on. I wasn’t a total waste of space. I poured my energy into martial arts – Judo, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu – there’s nothing quite like that feeling of moving through a sequence. It’s poetic, dance in combat form. I even mastered Krav Magra, so I could hold my own in a fight.
Ace and I were happy, and it was good for the pack bond to have a stable couple. But we knew that we had to think of the wider group too, and neither of us was averse to the idea of bringing in a female who could be someone for all four of us. Someone to sit at the very heart of our pack.
We decided to go straight for a beta. Ace met Elinor in a coffee shop one day, and she seemed…perfect. Pretty, intelligent, caring. She was also delighted at the idea of joining a pack, which we’d found difficult with other betas.
We made an agreement that she’d join the pack on a trial basis. Everything seemed perfect for a few weeks. And then the cracks started to show.
She avoided being alone with me. Any time I walked into a room, she’d make an excuse and slip right back out, claiming she’d forgotten something. If I suggested something, her nose would wrinkle, and she’d politely suggest something else.
But it was with Ace that I really saw it. We’d explained our situation and she’d told us she was fine, but she wasn’t, really. She didn’t like the idea of us having a relationship. Her lip would curl, just slightly, any time she saw us together. But the rest of the pack seemed to be adjusting well to having her around. None of them picked up any bad vibes from her. They could sense my unease through the bond, but I just laughed it off. I guess I just hoped that she’d adjust and see even if Ace and I had something, we wanted her to be at our center.
