“That sounds like a heart attack.”
“It kind of is. But in a good way.” He grins. “You think about her constantly. Even when you’re supposed to be thinking about other things. She just pops into your head, and you’re smiling like an idiot.”
“I don’t smile like an idiot.”
“Yet. Give it time.” He’s enjoying this too much. “You want to be near her all the time. And when she’s happy, you’re happy. When she’s sad, it physically hurts you.”
I think about Samantha crying in my arms. About the way my chest tightened when she said she felt like she was drowning.
“Fuck,” I mutter.
“Oh, you’re in deep.” Kai’s grin widens. “This is about Samantha, right?”
“Obviously.”
“So what happened?”
I tell him about finding her in the wine cellar. The blood. The drinking. The crying. The way she clung to me and begged me not to leave.
“And now I feel…wrong. Not bad. Just different. Like something shifted and I don’t know what it is.”
“That’s love, brother.” Kai says it like it’s simple. “Welcome to the club.”
“I don’t want to be in the club.”
“Too late. You’re already a member.”
I sink into the chair. “This is going to complicate everything.”
“It already has.” He’s still grinning. “But for what it’s worth, she’s worth it. And you deserve to feel this.”
“What if she’s hiding something? What if whatever she was about to confess tonight changes everything?”
“Then we’ll deal with it when it happens. But right now, you’re in love for the first time in your life. That’s not something to be scared of.”
Except I am scared. Terrified, actually. Because I’ve spent thirty years avoiding this exact feeling. Avoiding vulnerability and attachment and the kind of emotional dependence that makes people weak.
And now I’m feeling my heart beat in ways I don’t understand, and all I want is to go back to her room and hold her while she sleeps.
“How do you handle it?” I ask. “The feeling.”
“You don’t handle it. You just feel it.” Kai shrugs. “It’s messy and complicated and sometimes it hurts. But it’s also the best thing you’ll ever experience.”
I stand. “I should go.”
“You’re going back to her room, aren’t you?”
“She asked me not to leave.”
“Yeah.” Kai’s smile is softer now. “You’re definitely in love.”
I don’t argue. I head back to Samantha’s room, slipping in quietly.
She’s exactly where I left her, curled on her side, breathing deeply.
I lie back down beside her, and immediately she shifts toward me, seeking my warmth even in sleep. This time when she settles against my chest, I wrap my arm around her.
My heart is still beating wrong. Still doing that unfamiliar thing that Kai says is love.
