“Yeah. I’ll stay out of trouble and keep an eye on our shit,” he offers.
“I wouldn’t stay long, but a few days,” I tell him.
“Stay as long as you want, Royal. It’s not like we have shit to do here,” he says, motioning around us. He’s right. We don’t have shit to do. We have nothing, but I had her. And I let her go. I keep trying to tell myself that I did the right thing. I keep trying to tell myself that she deserves better than this. And she does. Truly. She deserves a life that she’s always dreamed of, not living on the streets.
“You know what, I might just go,” I tell him before grabbing the joint from his fingers and bringing it to my lips.
“Yeah? It’ll do you good. She’s probably dying to see you.”
“She has asked me when I’d come visit. I’ll put more time on my phone in case anything comes up here,” I tell him.
“Yeah. I’m sure shit here will be fine.”
“You don’t want to come?” I ask.
“No. That’s a family thing, and I stay way the hell out of that,” he chuckles. I nod my head, understanding that fully. Once he left his family, he never looked back. And after what I’ve heard, I can’t say that I blame him for that either.
“I’m not taking much,” I tell him.
“Don’t need much. I got the rest.”
“You sure about this?” I ask him once more. He flips me off, and I laugh.
“Stop asking me. Just pack your bag and go.” I nod my head, pass the joint back, and then pack a small bag. I know the bus runs in that direction, and then I catch the others that keep going. I’ve done it before, but not for a long time.
I fist bump Jeremy and head out, walking to the bus stop. I wait until it arrives and climb on. When I sit down, I glare out the window, watching the world go by.
Knowing that River isn’t here and isn’t going to be here when I get back doesn’t settle well within me. It hurts. There’s an ache I can’t seem to stop. It’s amazing to me that someone I just met not that long ago has such a hold on me, but I suppose when you spend all that time with them, every single day, you get attached. And that’s what I did. I got attached to her. Knowing she deserved more, I still took her and made her mine.
I rest my forehead against the window and close my eyes. If things were different, maybe I wouldn’t have taken her back to them. Maybe I would have been able to help her more than I could. Leaving her at that hospital had to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It tore me apart inside. It ripped a piece of my heart off, and now it’ll never be whole again.
I curse under my breath, not knowing what to do with myself. I could scream, but what good is that doing me?
And the asshole I killed? I haven’t heard any news on that either, and that’s starting to wear on me. I know that Jeremy got rid of the gun for me, but that doesn’t mean shit. Someone could have seen us in there. Someone could have seen her with him, and I’m worried about her.
I made her repeat the words to me. Royal did it. I can only pray that when it comes down to it, she remembers what to say. I won’t let her go down for that shit. No way in hell.
I keep my eyes closed as the bus keeps moving. I don’t know what I’m walking into going back home, either. What will my mom say when she sees me after all these years? Will she stillhate me? Will she even remember me? Not that I care. I truly don’t. All that matters to me is April and knowing that she’s safe.
Chapter 26
River
“Greg is coming over to dinner.” My mother informs me as I sit on the edge of my bed. These fucking drugs don’t do shit for me. I’m still on edge, having nightmares, and just can’t calm myself in general. It’s been a month since I’ve been home, and all I can think about is slitting my own wrists and ending it all. The pain doesn’t go away. It lingers there, sticking to me like a wet shirt.
“And?”
“And I expect you to act like an adult, River.”
“I don’t want anything to do with Greg.”
“But you do want the money, yes?” she asks as I roll my eyes.
“We’ve been over this. I don’t care about the money.”
“But your father does! And this is a huge deal for him, River. Now stop acting like a little bitch and act accordingly!” I almost laugh at her. She has no idea what she’s talking about right now. I will not act accordingly. In fact, I’ve had enough of being here. The medicine isn’t working. The shrink isn’t working. What the hell am I even doing here still?
I shove off the bed and walk over, grabbing a bag and stuffing a few things into it.
