This is crazy. I shouldn’t be here. But Royal thought I would be better off here. Why? Didn’t he listen to what I said? Didn’t he care?
A sob shakes my body as I think about him. Why would he do this to me? He told me I didn’t have to leave, but the first chance he got, he dumped me off at the hospital. I know I’m coming apart, coming unhinged, but he’s the last person I thought would abandon me.
I don’t need. That’s what I’m telling myself. I don’t need him. Either of them. Jeremy knew what my life was like, and he agreed with Royal. So fuck them. When I get back on my feet, I can handle this alone. I don’t need anyone who doesn’t want me around.
Even as the tears fall down my cheeks, I know that I’m lying to myself. I do need him. I need him to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I need him to tell me that he’s got me. I need him to hold me and make it all fade, but he’s gone.
And maybe I’m better off gone, too.
Chapter 25
Royal
“You look like shit,” Jeremy tells me.
“I feel like shit. That last match kicked my ass,” I tell him. I fought last night for the first time since she’s been gone, and I hated every fucking second of it. She wasn’t there cheering me on. She wasn’t there to hug me when it was over. She isn’t here cleaning up my fucking wounds like I want her to be.
“You’ve got to stop agreeing to two a night, Royal.”
“What difference does it make?”
“Are you trying to get yourself killed? Is that what this is?” Jeremy snaps at me.
“Again, what difference does that make?”
“Seriously? You don’t think your sister needs you?” She does need me. She needs me to keep providing for her. She needs me to keep fighting so she doesn’t have to live the way I do.
“Fuck!” I roar as I clench my fists by my sides.
“April needs you around, Royal. There’s no way around that.”
“She’s almost seventeen. She can get a job soon,” I remind him.
“So you’re what? Giving up on everyone? Fuck you, Royal!” He yells before I lunge at him. I crash into him, both of us falling to the floor. I pull my fist back, ready to punch him, when I realise he isn’t fighting me back. He isn’t going to either.
I lower my fist and climb off him, offering him my hand to help him off the ground. I’m lucky as fuck he’s my best friend and takes it. I pull him up and apologize.
“I’m sorry, Jeremy. I’m just so fucked in the head right now,” I admit to him.
“Over her?” he asks. Now I nod.
“I can’t stop thinking that we fucked up taking her back there. She didn’t want to be there, and now she is,” I tell him.
“I know. I get it, but you were right. There wasn’t anything we could have done for her,” he says.
“I don’t know. It all just feels fucking wrong.”
“Maybe you should take a break. Go see April,” he suggests. I’ve thought about that. Taking a little time off to see my sister. It’s only five hours away, and it’s not like I’ll have to be gone for long. Just a few days to see how she’s doing. I made enough in the last fight to go.
“I was thinking about that.”
“Fuck it. Hop on the bus and go,” he says.
“What about you?”
“I’m good here.”
“You sure?” I ask him. He nods his head as he lights up a joint and sits against the wall.
