“How do I go on knowing what I did?” I ask him, needing to know.
“You let it go. It wasn’t your fault. Let Royal help you.”
“He can’t take the blame for this,” I say.
“I already did.” I hear Royal’s voice, and it sends a shiver down my spine. More tears slide down my cheeks as I look outthe window. Royal walks over and takes the cigarette from my fingers and brings it to his lips, inhaling.
“This is it. Whatever you need to say and get out, do it now, River. After this, we’re done talking about it. I killed him. End of story.”
“I can’t let you take the blame.”
“You’re not letting me do anything. I said I killed him. I shot him in the fucking head. He’s dead because of me. Now let it fucking go, River.”
“How?” I scream this time, shoving out of my chair. “How do I let it go?” Sobs rip from my chest when he passes off the cigarette to Jeremy and moves toward me.
“You just let it go. You erase that shit from your mind. You remember me taking the gun and pulling the trigger. That’s all there is to it. Just remember me doing it.” His hand comes up to cup my cheek, and I lose it. I slam into him, clinging to him like my life depends on it.
Chapter 23
Royal
She’s like a fucking zombie, and I don’t know how to help her. She sits in the corner, repeating the words I’ve forced her to say. Royal did it. Over and over she says it, but I know she doesn’t believe it. She’s fucked up, and it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have walked away from her at that party. I should never have left her side, but I did, and now she’s paying for it.
“What do you think?” Jeremy asks, nodding over at her.
“I don’t fucking know,” I tell him truthfully. I don’t know what to do for her.
“She can’t stay like that,” he says, telling me shit I already know.
“Don’t you think I know that?” I snap at him. He holds his hands up in the air, not wanting to fight with me, but I get where he’s coming from. “Maybe we should send her home.”
“What?”
“Send her home. They have the fucking money to help her, we don’t.”
“And you’re cool with just sending her back?” he asks.
“Fuck no, I’m not, but what else can we do? She can’t live like this.”
“Fuck, Royal. This is a damn mess,” he mumbles under his breath as I nod my head. She isn’t her. She isn’t River. She isn’t mouthing off at me or getting in my face. She isn’t pushing my damn buttons, and I don’t know how to respond to that. She sitsin the corner, twirling the little piece of string I made into a ring around her finger. She’s lost. So fucking lost right now.
“How do we do it? Just drive up and leave her?”
“We can’t knock on the fucking door,” I tell him.
“So how?”
“Drive up, leave her at the gate. Call for someone, I don’t know, Jeremy,” I admit. I don’t know what to do with her. I can’t stand seeing her like this, though.
“What if she turns you in?”
“At least she’ll be out of trouble then.”
“Fuck that. I won’t lose my best friend over this shit. Over a girl.”
“She’s not just a girl, and you know it,” I remind him. He sighs and sits back, grabbing a cigarette and lighting up.
“I know. That’s what makes this so much harder,” he adds. I nod my head, unsure what to say. He’s not wrong. This is hard.
