“Get off me,” she shouts through gritted teeth, but I’m possessed. All I can think about is getting her away from this cliff, walking her away from a mistake she’s making.
“Please,” I cry, fighting against her as she tries to yank free. Both of us trying to gain control, fear and desperation tangle in my chest as my heart thunders.
I try to gain my footing, wanting to plant my feet to the ground so that I can pull her into me. She groans and tugs and fights and I cry and tug and fight.
Suddenly, my feet slip out from underneath me, Seren yanks her arms from my grip and as I hit the ground a horrifying scream penetrates the sky, echoing against the vast darkness, wrapping around the trees and vibrating the earth below.
It’s piercing, harrowing, haunted.
I jump up, careful not to slip on the melted snow beneath me, panic curdling in my core as I look out and see that Seren is gone.
She’s gone.
My body breaks down, my eyes going wide and my mouth parting in disbelief.
“No, no, no, no,” I chant over and over and over as I feel the burn of my deprived lungs in my chest, my throat swelling with shock, my heart shattering in my chest.
“Seren?” I shout, hoping that she’s hanging down below, that she caught herself. But I can't get too close or I could fall. “Seren?!”
I can’t move. I can’t breathe. My head starts to spin as sobs threaten to consume me, overcome by too much all at once. Everything gets fuzzy, the wind starts to feel like fire, the night sky fades from blue to absolute, terrorizing black and it feels like it could swallow me.
And then, I let go. I drop to the ground—hands and knees—folded over in agony as I inhale deeply and let it all out, screaming with the force of a tornado, feeling every bone in my body shatter, every vein in my body burst.
I crawl forward, my body shaking from the pain. Tears pour from my eyes like a brutal rain falling from treacherous storm clouds, and as my hand and knees scrape against the rocks, everything goes numb.
And when I open my eyes again, when I find the courage to breathe, I…
A shriek escapes me, ripped from my chest as I fold over in the chair, the tape at my wrist digging into my skin as my body is overcome with pain, and grief, and betrayal.
I killed her.
I killed Seren.
All this time, it was me who caused death to find her. I caused her to fall.
There was a time where me claiming to not remember the night when being questioned by police was deemed an assumption of guilt. They thought I hadsomething to hide because I was pretending to not recall the night. Eventually, the questioning stopped and I can’t say I really know why.
But as everything falls back into place—a vortex of devastation and heartache and pain and fear and grief opening up and releasing onto me—that whole weekend is now a movie in my mind. Playing on repeat. And they’re right. I did have something to hide. I am guilty. I forced her to her fall, I caused her death.
“It’s all my fault,” I cry out loud, my voice hoarse and cracking underneath the tape, knowing that no one is listening. Knowing that I’m all alone.
Just like Seren was.
And after what Trace shared with me, after putting it all together, I know what caused her to feel that way. I know why Declan had been spiraling too. It was that party. She was raped. And betrayed. And she was alone. She had no one there for her. And she wanted to take her own life.
But I was the one who sent her over the edge.
Me.
Suddenly, the sound of groans and heavy breathing reaches my ears, causing my heart to seize and I force myself to calm down, swallowing my harrowing cries.
I hear the door swing open and I’m greeted with a gust of cold wind and what sounds like muffled cries. I stay as still as possible, eager to keep my ears trained and hoping that maybe they’ll think I’m asleep or passed out.
I hear a thud hit the floor and then a groan. And then,my heart stops when I can make out the familiar voice.
“Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
A chill runs down my spine and suddenly, I trash. Desperate to get out of this bind.
