OLIVIA
“I want to play a game.” — Jigsaw, Saw (2004)
Every ounce of my resolve has been rattled. Shaken pretty much to my core. I feel helpless to the assault I just experienced but even worse, I feel ashamed for liking it. I have to chalk it up to the fact that maybe it’s because he was my first love; my first everything, really. And maybe my body and soul will always have some kind of permanent tie to him. But I won’t lie, it feels scary not knowing what he’s capable of now and why he’s acting this way. And more importantly, I have to figure out why the hell he left me behind all those years just to come back and act like I never meant anything to him.
My reaction at the bar when Alli told me that she suspected he was back was one of pure heartbreak. Curious as to what would happen if I saw him again because I worked so hard to forget about his deception. And even when I saw him watching me from my window, I felt flooded by what his presence did to me. But not once did I take any of those feelings as fear. Anger? Yeah, sure. Disappointment? A little of that too. But nothing that resembled fright. But now . . . now, I think I might actually be afraid of him. Mainly becausehe seems to know exactly what he wants with me and I could tell, he knows what will push me over the edge and he intends to use that against me.
That scares me. Having someone knowing where every hidden button is and knowing just how hard to push to detonate me. But he can’t know everything. Not after all this time…
Right?
Does he know that my memories are gone . . . missing from that night? Does he know that even if I did do something to deceive him, to make him so angry with me, that I might not remember it?
“Hey, there you are.” I look up to see Alli walking my way, stepping over a few logs in the process. “Why are you sitting all by yourself?”
I shrug my shoulders, still seated against the base of the tree I chose to sit at. “You looked busy with Banks and I didn’t want to bother you.”
That’s only partially the truth. The main truth is that I needed to think, to catch my breath, and to figure out what the hell I’m going to do about Trace and his supposed threats.
“You wouldn’t have bothered me,” she sighs as she reaches her hand out for me. “C'mon. You can join us.”
I take it and let her help me up, knowing that I’m likely going to reject that offer.
“What’s going on with you and him anyway? I didn’t even know you liked him,” I say to her. I know that she’s been hanging around him a lot more recently but Banks is one of those guys who kind of sticks to himself. Other than what he said to me earlier tonight, I haven’t really had much of a conversation with him and I’m learning to be on edge with everyone thisweekend, so I want to know if Alli knows more about him. Maybe anything that can help me figure out who I can and can’t trust.
“I don’t know. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s hot as fuck. But he's kind of hard to read. He’s all brooding and quiet most of the time. But then he looks at me like he’s trying to tear through my soul and it catches me off guard.” She shakes her head at herself, a smirk on her face that tells me that she might just be trying to come up with an excuse as to why she can’t pursue him. But I know Alli has commitment issues and honestly, I don’t blame her.
The way she describes Banks reminds me a lot of Trace when I first met him and look at us now. And while I want my friend to have fun and just not worry about all the semantics in men, I’m also weary of everyone right now.
I just smile at her, not eager to press her on the topic any further. I’m not able to focus on holding an actual conversation right now anyway.
“Where have you been and…” She tilts her head at me, the white glow of the moon slashes across her face. “Olivia, what the hell happened to your neck?”
I wince. The sensation of Trace’s fingers digging into my skin is still very much buzzing in vibrant waves throughout my whole body; one of the reasons I needed space. I hadn’t realized he left actual physical marks on my skin and I swear I could kill him for it.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” I say as I loosen the hair tie from my hair to let my hair fall over my shoulder, hoping that she’ll let it slide. But she doesn’t
She reaches out, attempting to touch my neck but I take a step back and land against the tree to avoid her contact.
“Olivia Grace Winters. That isnotnothing,” she announces with concern in her tone.
“Donotfull-government name drop me out loud,” I warn her. She throws her hands on her hips and gives me a stern look.
“Then tell me what the hell happened?”
The truth is, I don’t even know how to explain what the hell happened between Trace and I back there. I’m not even sure what the hell I’d be trying to explain; my flesh still feels like it’s on fire from his touch and his words still unnerve the fuck out of me.
I sigh in defeat as Alli waits impatiently for my explanation.
“Trace happened,” I admit, feeling my heart thud at the mere mention of his name on my tongue.
“Wait,hedid that to you?”
If only she fucking knew. Because to be honest, IletTrace do this to me
The air feels charged with danger and unbearable torment as Alli watches me with an unpleasant glare, like she’s not happy about my answer. But what more is there to say? And honestly, she should have known I’d run into him anyway. She was the one who brought his presence to my attention in the first place.
Which brings me to wonder…
