“So if we don’t have secrets, then why are you and Aunt Cat keeping a secret?” I skid to a stop and look over my shoulder at her, my eyes bulging and my heart pounding.
“Huh?”
“You and Aunt Cat. You guys are boyfriend and girlfriend but y’all haven’t hugged or anything in front of everyone, and Mom and Dad haven’t talked about it. Usually they talk about all that kind of stuff and sometimes –okay, a lot of times– I hear them. I don’t try to, but I accidentally hear things when they’re in their room or in the barn or when I’m hanging on the stairs.” She shrugs, her hands and shoulders raising to her ears.
“I…” A sigh leaves my lungs and I drop my head. Here I am telling her our family doesn’t keep secrets, and I’m holding one of the biggest. “We’re not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.”
I shuffle into the kitchen and open the pantry, pulling out the cocoa powder, mini marshmallows and a candy cane. I know how my little lady likes her hot chocolate, so I always make sure to stay stocked.
“What? Did y’all break up?” She jumps up from the floor and comes rushing into the kitchen.
“First, how did you know? If no one knows, then how did you figure it out, little sneak? And two, grab the milk.” She skips to the fridge, her braids swinging.
“I saw y’all.” She sets the carton down then slaps her hands against the countertop, jumping up to sit on it.
“What do you mean you saw us?”
“You and Aunt Cat. I saw you kiss her and she looked real happy. Only boyfriends kiss their girlfriends like that. I’ve never seen you kiss Aunt CeCe or Mom like that. Plus, Dad and Zio Luca would sock ya.”
The milk splashes in the pot as I clumsily pour it. “You-you saw us? When?”
Her feet swing back and forth as she watches me. “At the Fourth of July barbecue. I went inside to get boots so I could help out in the field, and I saw you and Aunt Cat kissin’. And then I saw you kiss at Aunt Viv and Uncle Nix’s house when we went swimmin’, and in the barn that one time, and then during our snowball fight behind the hay, and–”
“Okay. I got it. You saw me and Aunt Cat kiss…a lot. Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“It wasn’t my secret and it wasn’t hurtin’ anyone, and Mom said that if it doesn’t hurt anyone and if it’s not any of my business, then it’s not my place to be spillin’ other people'sbusiness.” I scoop the cocoa powder into the warming milk and stir.
“I guess we weren’t as sneaky as we thought we were.” She smiles big and shakes her head. “Well, thanks for keeping our secret but you won’t have to worry about it anymore. Aunt Cat didn’t want a boyfriend right now, so we’re just going back to being friends. It’s best that way.” I drop in one sugar cube to the hot cocoa and move it around and around until it melts away.
Dagen passes me the mug, already with a peppermint stick in it, and I carefully pour it. “I don’t think Aunt Cat wants to be friends.” She drops in one mini marshmallow after the other until the top is just a floating bed of marshmallow.
“What’dya mean?” I watch her blow into her mug, cooling the steaming liquid.
“Well,” she starts, then takes a cautious sip. “She picked me up for a girl's lunch and before she brought me back home, she gave me something to give to you.”
She throws that out like she just told me the sun was shining then keeps sipping.
“Um wait a minute, little miss. What did Aunt Cat give you? Don’t you think that’s something that maybe you should have started with when you showed up at my doorstep?”
The cup lowers and it reveals a hot chocolate mustache. “I coulda but then you wouldn’t have made me this.” She holds the mug up and grins.
I watch as she dips the candy cane in and out of the hot cocoa, then lick it clean before repeating the process. “Day!” I shout and she startles. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, but do you think you could maybe give me whatever it is that she asked you to pass along?”
“Oh. Yeah. I forgot.” She takes one more big swallow of her drink then sets it down before hoping off the counter.
She rushes into the living room where her jacket sits on my couch, and digs through the pockets. A green envelope appears, folded in half, and she opens it up, working to smooth the crease away. I take it from her and slide it open.
A piece of paper framed with red and white candy stripes appears and I cautiously pull it out, afraid of what lies inside. My hands shake, sweat beads at my forehead, all of the things that come with being nervous. This letter can be anything. FromI love you, let’s get marriedtoIt was nice while it lasted but laters chump.
Honestly, I’m not sure what I want it to be?
Dear Hayes,
I’ve screwed up –royally– and I don’t know what I can do to gain your forgiveness. I don’t know if I even deserve it, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try. I made you feel insignificant and I took our love for granted. If you’ll give me just one more chance, I promise to never abandon you again.
Meet me in the barn on Christmas Eve and let me show you just how much you mean to me. Give me a chance to make my rancher jolly.
All my love,
