Cat
A lump forms in my throat along with doubt, and I swallow both down. I want to believe her, I do, but I don’t know if I’ll survive one more heartbreak. I won’t live to tell the tale of my once in a lifetime love.
Cat has the power to heal me, but the power she holds to destroy me is so much stronger.
21
CATHIA
Ifidget from side to side, my palms sweating and my heart racing. There’s a very big chance that Hayes won’t show up and I’ll be left here, embarrassed and ashamed with no one to blame but my own damn self. But if I don’t try, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
I look around the barn at all of the work I put in and my chest swells. I thought about keeping Cami and Vaughan in the dark and telling them I needed it to set up a surprise for everyone, but I just couldn’t get this all done without their help.
Cami cried when I told her about Hayes and all we’d been hiding –at my demand– and Vaughan stood there with a wide smile and his arms crossed over his chest as if he had known the whole time. He didn’t, but I guess he’d always hoped. They all did, apparently.
When Dagen confronted me about what she saw, I knew I needed to quit being scared and just jump. And if I was going to do it right, it needed to be big.
So, this is how I find myself amongst a barn full of twinkle lights strewn from end to end, hay bales stacked on each sidewith candles –battery operated because I’m not about to burn down the place– and a small decorated Christmas tree all the guys helped me with. For my Hayes, I couldn’t just throw up any old decorations, they had to be special.
Rope bows, tin stars and mini cowboy hats cover it. I overestimated the size of the tree so the poor little thing is fighting to stay upright.
A small speaker plays Ella Langley’sCountry Boy’s Dream Girl.I'm praying it brings me some good luck because more than anything, I want to be his forever dream girl.
My phone dings with a text and I know exactly what it will say.
Dagen: The cowboy is nearing the barn.
She hung out with her uncle all afternoon, keeping him busy with last minute shopping for a gift for her dad. Not that she needed one because the real gift sits wrapped under their tree, but I needed him occupied until I gave her the word that I was ready.
The large door creaks as it begins to slide open, and I take a deep breath. This is it. The moment I either walk out with the love of my life, or walk away with my tail between my legs and my shattered heart in my hands.
Hayes steps into view and his eyes go straight for me. I don’t think he even notices the set up because as he walks towards me, he sees nothing but me. My eyes eat him up, from boots to hat. His usual jeans and boots and hat are simply delicious, and if there wasn’t a gaggle of people waiting outside, I’d rip them off and do some hard and fast riding.
He steps within a couple feet of me and I really want to pull him in close. I let him be because I don’t want to push him and have him running for his truck.
“What’s this, Cat?” He finally asks and holds his hands out, waving them towards the ridiculous set up.
“It should be pretty self explanatory. It’s my attempt to get you back.” He blinks, unmoving and stoic. “I’ve done some self reflection and a lot of thinking over the last couple of weeks. I had to admit a lot of things and the biggest is that I'm a fool. I’m a fool for ever giving you a doubt of my feelings. I’m a fool for making this wonderful relationship seem like a dirty secret. I’m a fool for thinking we could fail. And most of all, I’m a fool for you.”
I take a few steps towards him, bringing us toe to toe and I reach out, touching his hand with mine. He’s guarded but lets me twine our fingers together.
“You are the man of every girl’s dreams. You’re kind and caring, you treat me with love and respect –and sometimes disrespect and I don’t mind– and you’re the only one I see myself riding off into the sunset with. I want to be your cup of coffee when you need the warmth to get through the day. Your umbrella when you get caught in the rain, and the beer you drink long and slow when the hard day is done.
“Sorry isn’t a strong enough word to express how I feel. But there is one thing I can do to let you know just how very much I love you.”
I take a deep breath and reach into the back pocket of my jeans. With a bit of the extra rope we had from decorating the tree, I felt it was much manlier than a velvet box.
My fingers wrap tight around it and I move slowly to one knee.
“Hayes Queston McCallan. Will you m–”
“Stop,” he shouts, and I immediately want to die a quick and painful death.
Tears form in my eyes and let my hands fall slack, weak from the blood that rushes to my toes. Hayes takes my hand slowlyand pulls me to my feet. I told myself that this could happen, but I didn’t really prepare myself properly for it. I put so much time into practicing my speech and setting this whole thing up that I put the possibility that he’d reject me off to the side. Now, I’ve got all of our friends and family waiting on the other side of those big doors, ready to celebrate us. When they step in it’ll feel more like a funeral than a party.
“Don’t say another word,” he whispers. “I want nothing more than to say yes to your question. Trust me. I’ve dreamt about watching you walk down the aisle towards me in a show stopping wedding dress. But this isn’t how it’s supposed to go.”
My lip quivers with sorrow and I start listing out the cities that I can run away to in my head.
