“Bye, Chase.”
She’d exited out of the courtyard that day and I never saw her at lunch again. In fact, I never really saw here again after that, except in Algebra. It was the only class we had together and she always got there early enough with Madison and sat across the room, away from where I stuck to my original seat.
I had started each day with such hope that she would possibly remember who I was, until this last day of school. I dreaded it the most, because I knew when I walked out of the school that day, time was up. I wouldn’t even be able to see Erica every day.
I would have to live with the memory of her again, just like I had so many years before, but now it was a memory that had awoken something inside of me. Something that was fueling my future in ways I had never expected.
My English teacher had loved a few of my poems so much that he had submitted them to contests. I had actually won a few, getting grants and scholarships for when I was ready to go to college. I just had to convince my father that a degree in literature was one worth having. I thought about this daily, especially now with walking out the front door to the school where my parents’ black sedan was waiting for me.
This last day had come too quickly.
I opened the back door and managed to take one last glance at the front doors where Erica and Madison were walking out of. Erica’s steps faltered when her eyes met mine and I lifted a hand to wave at her. She looked pretty in her knee-length tan skirt and maroon shirt tucked in. If I hadn’t stood there for a second longer, I would have missed the slight wave that her hand lifted to give me.
It wasn’t much, but in that moment, it was something I was going to have to hold onto until we met again.
Erica
I had hoped some way that numbers would surround me every day, so that my mind would stop transferring back to Chase. I had tried so many times to talk to him, well, in my head, but it never turned out the way I hoped when I saw him. Sometimes I probably seemed rude, when I didn’t mean to, but the first time Mrs. Carmichael set us up in the same group, I knew it was going to be almost impossible to not think about this boy, so I put up a wall I probably shouldn’t have.
I found new ways to not talk to him. Slight head nods worked just well enough and thumbs up seemed to keep the conversations from continuing. Madison thought I was being a spaz, but I told her that Eden was already getting her clutches into Chase and that stopped her immediately. We both knew Eden and her ways of getting whatever she wanted, and I had seen her set her sights on Chase the very first day he was here.
I thought I was in the clear of him, well, until the dreadful Tuesday that I walked out of class and into the courtyard to have lunch and every single bench was taken. Especially the one Chase was laid out across.
Why does he think he needs the whole bench to himself?
I watched Chase sprawled out over a bench with his legs hanging over the edge. He looked good in his faded blue jeans and black button-up, but I couldn’t let those kinds of thoughts get in the way of my lunch spot. He had headphones in and the slight bob of his head made me wonder what he was listening to. I knew he couldn’t possibly like the same country music I did. This boy still screamed city, not the backwoods country I was used to.
I came up to stand next to him. He didn’t even register my shadow covering him, so I tugged on one of his earphones and pursed my lips, and a look for annoyance formed on Chase’s face. This was why I didn’t interact with Chase at school. I didn’t think he was aware of the facial expressions that gave himself away so easily.
“Can I help you?” His voice was drawn out and he didn’t even move an inch, just lying there enjoying a place to sit. I fought to cross my arms around my chest, because I knew that if I put my guard up now, he wouldn’t move at all. I needed to play nice to get a seat.
“You’re taking up the whole bench.” I stomped my foot at him, hoping he wouldn’t tell me to get lost. I wanted a place to sit and eat lunch, and this was the only place left in the courtyard that wasn’t already taken up by two people. The benches out here weren’t big, but it offered an open space, unlike the cafeteria and the deck, which were crammed with other students.
It helped that I always brought my lunch with me, so that I wouldn’t have to wait in line to get food like everyone else. It was normally why I always got a seat out in the courtyard, but today I stayed behind a few minutes to talk to Mrs. Carmichael about joining our mathletes team.
I tapped my foot on the ground as I waited to see what Chase would do. He looked down at where my foot was moving and then swung his legs over and made room for me to sit next to him. I sat down without a word and took a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich out of my bag, devouring it without a glance toward Chase.
“You’re welcome,” he spoke up and I choked on the bite I had in my mouth. The bite was lodged in my throat and it took a few coughs before it began to move. I grabbed my water bottle out of my bag and took a swig to get the piece of bread to finish moving and let me breathe again.
Once my airway was clear I turned toward Chase, who had a smug look all over his face.
“Excuse me?” I questioned him. The smile on his face grew and all I wanted to do was throw my sandwich in his face, because that smile made my heart dance with possibilities. Like the thought that if I was nice to him and became his friend, maybe I could recreate the feelings he once had for me. But the voice in my head said no over and over again, thinking of the possibilities of my heart being broken, rather than the good that could come from it.
“I said”—Chase leaned in closer to me. That tossed me for a loop. I was brought back to the present from my thoughts of the past, but was left speechless at the same time. He was so close to me. My breathing became heavier and I hoped he didn’t notice that or the fact I was squeezing my legs together, trying to move them farther away from him. Chase affected me in ways I had no way of controlling, but I could at least try to hide them—“you’re welcome.”
“For what?” I asked quickly, raising an eyebrow at him, trying to throw off the way I knew I was now leaning into him. Chase was very close, close enough that I let my eyes roam over his body, hoping he didn’t notice. The past five years had treated him well. Yeah, he was still a boy, but he was more than the nine-year-old boy I had known before. Now Chase was the kind of boy I could date.
But that wasn’t something I thought could happen. My heart was still in love with that nine-year-old boy. The one who had called me peaches and told me he was keeping me. That wasn’t the same boy who was sitting in front of me, but then again, it was. And it terrified me to no end.
“For moving. I didn’t have to.” He moved his arm to the back of the bench and I moved myself forward, so he wouldn’t be able to touch me.
“You were taking up the whole bench and there was nowhere else to sit.” I pointed around the courtyard to where all the other benches were taken up. He didn’t pay attention, though, because he looked over at the cafeteria deck where there were open seats, just waiting for someone to take them.
“Not a fan of sitting with everyone else?”
I scrunched my nose and shook my head.
“I don’t have lunch with Madison on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I normally eat alone,” I explained to him. It was the truth, but even when I had lunch with Madison, I always insisted on us eating out in the courtyard. She didn’t always like it, but she indulged me. I could tell sometimes, though, when she looked back at the deck, that she wanted to sit with others. Sit with boys she liked and I felt like the worst friend because I wanted no part of it.
