“I mean.” I ran my hand across the bed, wishing my blanket were closer to me so I could play with the frayed ends. “I’m his friend on MySpace and Facebook.”
“Then it’s settled, you’re messaging him.”
“No!” I shouted, pushing my laptop off my lap and closing it abruptly. I was not going to be contacting Chase. My breaths were becoming shallow and I placed a hand on my chest.
“Whoa.” Melissa moved closer to me and placed her hands on my shoulders. “Calm down.”
She breathed in and I followed suit. In and out until my body stopped shaking beneath her touch. The fear of Chase rejecting was one I had pushed down for so many years and had come to the point where I pretended like there wasn’t any fear. Then there were moments like this when it came back in full force and a panic attack bubbled up.
“Fuck.” She shook her head and looked down into her lap. The dress she had thrown at me was sitting there between us and as she moved her hands from my shoulder, she picked up the dress and tossed it over to her side of the room. “He has no fucking idea how lucky he is. To have someone who loves him so much, even if he has no idea who you are.”
A smile pulled at my lips at her statement. He wasn’t the only lucky one. I was lucky enough to find a guy like Chase, who was unapologetically himself and loved with his whole heart.
“Fine.” Melissa stood from the bed and clapped her hands. “You don’t need to come, but if there ever is a day that you need a guy or want to let loose a little, you know just who to ask.”
She winked at me before making her way out of my room, leaving me once again to look at the stock photos in front of me, but with all the talk of Chase, nothing else was going to soothe me if I didn’t look at him. If ever just on my computer.
I pulled the laptop back into my lap and powered it up. I brought up the photos I had taken of Chase before coming to North Carolina. I had edited those photos to perfection, knowing it would be the only way I could really see Chase as himself, and not on social media or trying to fake it for a camera.
I looked at his full figure in the photo and remembered just how tall he was. How his muscles had bulged out of his shirt. How the little boy I once knew was gone and now was a man. A man who still had no idea who I was, but deep in my heart, I wished. I wished so hard that one day, any day, we would be back in each other’s lives.
Even if only as friends.
Because that would have been better than not having Chase at all.
