Chapter Seventeen
I had found myself wandering the halls of the hospitals for the last hour. The time since I watched the paramedics drive away before Tony came to pick me and we followed the ambulance to the hospital felt like lightning fast, but now the seconds dragged on.
We had been there for almost four hours and the doctors said we needed to let Law rest. He was lucky, they had said. No broken bones, a concussion, and bruised body. They still weren’t able to tell us why he wasn’t able to walk away, but the assumption was that in order to preserve any energy left in his body, it shut down. Now we just had to wait for it to wake up naturally.
They had him being pumped with fluids and the constant beeping of the machines was driving me crazy. I had needed to get out of that room, even if it meant leaving Law behind. I had lain with him since the second the doctor told us we could see him.
Tony had sat in the seat behind the bed and was able to get ahold of Law’s parents to let them know he was fine, but we would be coming back later than expected. I had declined wanting to talk to them because I didn’t know if I would be able to keep it together long enough to get a word out.
I had found myself not saying anything to anyone, just nodding. I knew the first words I spoke I wanted them to be for Law, because everything was for him.
I turned a corner and the marker on the wall showed me two places to go. Back toward the emergency room waiting area or the chapel. I weighed my options, not wanting to turn back just yet, and walked toward the chapel.
Soft music started to play, sending the tension I had between my shoulders away, but only momentarily. I walked down the short corridor and came across two open doors with the wordChapelabove them. I took a hesitant step inside the empty room. The music that had been playing in the halls boomed louder in the room. I traced my hand along a few of the armchairs as I came to stand at the front of the room where a large wood cross hung on the wall.
It was twice as tall as me and when I came up to it, I ran my fingers across the rough, old wood. It felt loved, like many people had walked by it in hopes to bring them some sort of peace. I turned around to see where would be a good place to sit, but nothing seemed more perfect than the ground in front of the cross.
I sat on the floor and crossed my legs in front of me and put my hands in my lap. I had no idea what to do from here. I had never been to church or prayed before, so I had no idea where to start.
I looked up at the ceiling where a stained glass window depicted a scene of trees and a river flowing across the glass, and it soothed me. I closed my eyes and just let all the thoughts I had been having consume me.
What’s going to happen next?
Will I ever be able to go to another race and not feel like I’m going to lose Law?
How have I not already lost him in all of this?
Will he blame me? No. This wasn’t my fault, but it feels like it.
My heart felt like it was starting to break and the lump I had felt in my stomach at the track had made its way to my throat. I wrung my hands together in my lap and tried to process answers for my questions, but nothing came to mind.
I took a deep breath and a tear slipped out.
Please just let him be okay. Please just let me be able to hear his voice again.
I pleaded. I pleaded the words in my head that I was too scared to say out loud.
I have no idea what I’d do without him. I have no idea how I’ve done anything before him. He’s my life, my love, my forever.
A sob broke from me, the pain audible in the intangible sounds that were coming from my mouth.
Even though the words were only in my head, I felt them all. I felt how hard it must be for some of the women who had been in this sport for years. How many times they had come to the chapel in the hospital to plead that their husbands or boyfriends would wake up and they would be able to see them again.
If I ask for anything in life, please just let me be with him one more time.
I let a few more tears leak out before I opened my eyes.
I looked back at the cross and I felt it, the sliver of hope that everything would be okay, one way or another.
“Anya.” My name came from behind me and I turned around to see Tony standing there. His hair ruffled and shirt wrinkled from trying to sleep in the cramped chair. “He’s awake.”
One second.He’s awake.
Two seconds.I have to get to him.
Three seconds.Move your damn feet, woman.
I leapt and ran. I didn’t think about if I was going to run into Tony, but I dashed out of the chapel doors, trying to get back to Law as fast as I could. My feet had a mind of their own as they led me back down the halls toward where I knew Law’s room was waiting for me.
