Just the thought of him in lace, those delicate fabrics skimming over his delicate skin, was enough to push me over the edge. I didn’t even know they made lingerie for men. But imagining it on him? Of course. Of course, he’d look perfect. Of course it would drive me out of my fucking mind.
I can’t keep thinking about him like this. It’s too much.
Too dangerous.
For the sake of my sanity, for what’s left of my self-control,
I have to pull back.
Now.
I’m not confused about my attraction to him anymore.
The surprise isn’t that I’m into a guy, it’s that I’m into him.
Only him.
Maybe it was always about finding the right person.
Maybe it was always Sebastian.
Either way, I’ve started using the wordbisexualwhen I think about myself. Not because I feel I have to label it, but because it fits.
It makes sense. It feels like mine.
What doesn’t feel right is this limbo I’ve been stuck in.
And I know it can’t last much longer.
Maddie’s postponed our conversation more than once, work, meetings, time zones, but tonight, we’re finally going to talk.
And I need that.
I need to stop carrying this weight around in my chest.
I need to tell her the truth. All of it.
Ending our relationship is going to hurt. But she deserves honesty. She deserves someone who’s fully in it with her.
And that’s not me.
Not anymore.
Lost in thought, I’m snapped back to the present by the buzz of my phone.
I glance down, and of course. It’s her.
Maddie.
Not a message. A FaceTime call.
This isn’t when we were meant to talk. I’m not ready. I’m still half-wet from the shower, hair dripping, towel slung low around my hips.
I’ve got seconds to decide before it cuts to voicemail.
I’m not perfect. I’ve made mistakes.
But if there’s one thing I’ve never been, it’s a coward.
