No. That can’t be real. That’s just the alcohol, the night, the closeness, it has to be.
And then, like a dream slipping through my fingers, he pulls back. Not all the way, his hand still rests in my hair, but the warmth at my side fades. His gaze shifts, turning toward the window, lost in the blur of passing streetlights.
And I sit there in silence, wondering if any of it really happened… or if I just imagined the whole thing.
CHAPTER 11
A few days later…
REMI
Keeping my distance from Sebastian is becoming one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
The other night, I nearly kissed him.
Since the moment we met, I haven’t felt like myself. Every precaution, every carefully constructed plan, every wall I built to keep the world at arm’s length, they’ve all started to crumble.
Replaced by something reckless.Hungry.
A version of me I barely recognise, one that wants nothing more than to pull him close and never let go.
What scares me the most isn’t just how strong this longing is.
It’s the suspicion that maybe this version of me, the impulsive one, the one fuelled by emotion, isn’t a stranger at all.
Maybe he’s who I’ve always been, under all the armour.
And if that’s true… maybe I’ve been holding back from life for far too long.
That thought has been gnawing at me for days, sinking its roots deeper with every hour I spend near Sebastian.
And sometimes, I wonder if I should just stop resisting.
Let go. Offer him everything, if he even wants it.
On the ride home from that awful night at the club, he leaned into me like he belonged there.
Like it was the most natural thing in the world.
His head nestled in the crook of my neck, his breath warm on my skin.
And suddenly the car felt too small. Too hot. Too much.
Then, when I slipped my arm around his waist, my fingers brushed something unexpected.
Lace.
Peeking out from beneath the waistband of his jeans.
Just a sliver. But enough to send my brain into a full-blown tailspin.
I spent the rest of the car ride trying not to completely implode, trying not to shift, not to let on just how hard I was struggling.
Praying he couldn’t feel what was happening to me.
The second we got home, after making sure he was safely tucked in bed, I bolted to the bathroom, turned on the shower, and stepped under the scalding spray. Still fully clothed.
And I came undone.
