It only took having Sebastian’s lean, warm body pressed against mine for a few seconds to trigger a reaction I could barely control, and I wasthisclose to letting him notice.
I doubt I’ll be that lucky again.
And the truth is, I’m painfully aware that I’m caught in an impossible situation, one where no matter what I do, someone’s going to get hurt.
I turn over in bed and groan in frustration.
Jerking off in the shower earlier did absolutely nothing; any relief vanished within minutes.
Now all I feel is shame.
Like a creep.
And the guilt I feel toward Maddie is crushing.
I have no idea how I’m supposed to hide this growing attraction to Seb, or how to stop the obsession that’s slowly taken over every corner of my mind.
When he talked about the possibility of having a boyfriend someday, it felt like my stomach flipped inside out.
The idea of someone else, anyone else, touching him fills me with this blind, irrational rage. How the hell am I supposed to cope when that actually happens?
And it will. Let’s not kid ourselves.
Seb is stunning, not just physically, though he is achingly beautiful.
He’s intelligent, kind, funny… there’s this quiet light in him, something impossible to ignore.
Of course, people are going to fall for him.
They probably already do.
But what scares me most is that I’ve started to wonder whether it’s even possible, or right, for me to keep fighting this.
To keep him at arm’s length.
Logically, yes. Definitely it is.
I know that if I lose control, I could ruin three people’s lives.
If Maddie ever found out how I feel about Sebastian, their friendship would be over.
She’d be heartbroken.
He’d be devastated.
And he’d never look at me the same way again.
I don’t even want to imagine what our friends would think.
But the question I’ve been trying so hard not to ask myself is this: Can I really keep being with Maddie, knowing that someone else has completely taken over my thoughts?
I care about her, truly. I have for years. And the physical side of our relationship has always worked. But if I’m being honest, there’s a massivebuthanging over everything now.
Just seeing Sebastian throws me off completely.
He wrecks my thoughts, my body, in a way I’ve never experienced.
And it’s not just lust, though God knows the desire is overwhelming.
