He exhales heavily, his breath grazing her lips.
“You know, I’ve learned a lot about you the past few months and one of the biggest things is that you’re a terrible liar,” he whispers slowly. “You love me, and I love you and I can’t—” He takes a breath. “You know when you eat a piece of candy, but it’s not the normal kind, it’s the sticky kind. It gets stuck to the roof of your mouth, and then your fingers when you’re trying to dislodge it, and it’s a pain, but it’s so fucking good you keep going back for more. That’s what it’s like loving you, Jahlani. I’m stuck. It doesn’t matter how far you go, nothing is changing for me.”
She wipes her face with the back of her hand, shaking her head.
“But it changes everything for me.”
His hand tightens around her jaw. “Why?”
She throws her head back, groaning before meeting his gaze. “Roman, picture in your head for just a second what that would look like. Flights aren’t cheap, it’s a thirty-five-hour drive, and a three-hour time difference. Most companies don’t give PTO until you’re at least a year in. Lucy can’t go extended periods of time without you, and I wouldn’t want her to.”
He snorts, dropping his hands to his sides.
“You’ve got it all figured out, huh, Jahlani? Everypossiblereason as to why this won’t work, you’ve figured out.”
She narrows her eyes. “I’m beingrational.”
“Well then, rationalize us working,” he yells, stepping back.
“Ican’t,” she whispers. “I?—”
“No, youwon’t,” he says harshly. “And that’s the difference between you and me. I can see us ten, twenty,thirtyyears down the line. Why can’t you?”
She tilts her head back, before looking back at him. “Roman. I’m not the girl the guy chooses in the end. I’m the pit stop—the delayed layover to the final destination,” she says quietly.
“That’s bullshit, Jahlani,” he says, through gritted teeth, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Not bullshit,” she whispers. “It’s not.”
The silence that surrounds them is deafening, and Jahlani takes a step forward when he pulls back, looking up.
“Okay, fine. Run away. It’s your thing. It’s what you do. You leave first now, right? So, you don’t get left behind anymore.”
Her lips part in shock. “What?”
He raises his fingers, letting them fall one by one as he speaks. “Your mom, your dad, your ex—they did that to you. They all left you. But I’m not them,” he says, pointing to himself. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m stuck.”
She wipes both cheeks with the front of her hand, sniffling. “You’re right. I’m running away. I’m not ready for this. I’m nothealed from them, and I’m not okay. I want to be okay, and I can’t do that with you right now. You have someone else that needs you and one of these days, Roman”—her voice lowers—“you’re going to wake up, and you’ll have forgotten about me. I’ll just be this … bump along the road when you meet the love of your life.”
“That’s you,” he says in a thunderous voice, pointing to her. “You’re the love of my life. You’re the mother of my children. You’re the wife. You’re everything.”
She nods, wiping harder as more tears spill over. “If you say so.”
“I say so,” he says, crowding her space. “I fucking say so.”
And then he’s gathering her in his arms, giving her a hot, erratic, desperate kiss. It’s unlike any kiss they’ve shared. It’s pleading, and interminable, and bruising and she can’tbreatheand it’s everything.
It’s perfect.
Need. Want. Mine.
But it can’t be hers.
So, with all the strength that she can muster, she pushes against his chest, separating them. She can feel him shaking, or maybe it’s her, but she steps back, untangling herself from him, unable to meet his eyes.
And maybe if the baby monitor he had set up on the island hadn’t crackled to life, if Lucy’s cries hadn’t broken through, maybe he could have come after her.
But she’s thankful that he doesn’t.
