Her hand slams down on the counter, startling Jahlani. “Iwasalone, Jahlani. My husband left me, and I knew it was only a matter of time before you did too, because that’s what kids do. They getolder.They want their own lives. So, excuse me for not wanting to die in this house alone.” Her mom folds her hands over her chest, breathing heavily. “I can’t go back in time and change the past, baby.”
Jahlani shakes her head. “I don’t want that. I just want a healthier relationship with you. I want you to listen to me when I talk. I want usto be better.” Jahlani licks her lips, wringing her hands. “We could talk to a therapist?—”
Her mom kisses her teeth, moving about the kitchen again. “I’m not going to a therapist,” she says, voice hard. “Therapists are for people with issues,” she hisses, spinning to face her. “And I don’t have any, so you better tread carefully, Jahlani.”
Jahlani wipes under her eyes, before exhaling through her nose. “I’m not saying that.”
“Well then, what are you saying? Do you need a therapist?”
Jahlani’s mouth falls open as she takes in her mom. Her lip curls and her eyes burn, and Jahlani knows, sheknowsthat she isn’t going to change her mind. She sighs, standing from the table.
“Yeah, I do,” she says, starting to move back to her room. “I’m going to try it, Mom. And I hope that when I’m better—when I’m healed—that we can work on this. On us. Because despite what you think, I still need you. I still need my mom.”
CHAPTER 35
IF YOU SAY SO
JAHLANI
That day, Jahlani does leave the house, finding herself on Teryn’s doorstep where she then curls into a ball onhermattress with Teryn and Derrick, her cat, in tow this time. By the third day, Roman sends her a text of him and Lucy at the pool. Later that night, he sends her an Uber Eats delivery of all her favorite snacks, which sets her off again.
On day four, she knows she can’t hide anymore. She cleanses her face as best as possible, trying to scrub any remnants of her tear marathon, and drives as slowly as possible to his house. Quite possibly, making the wrong turn on purpose.
With a shuddering breath, she gets out of the car. Within her being two feet of the door, it swings open, and he smiles down at her. Setting down her things, she walks into his arms, breathing him in.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, pressing a hand to her head, rubbing circles on her back.
“Good. Better,” she says, burying her face further into his chest. He pulls her face back, planting several quick kisses against her lips before dragging her inside. “Lucy?”
“She’s asleep right now,” he says in a low voice. He busies himself while she takes in the house. “There’s some leftoversthat I can heat up if you want,” he calls out with his head buried in the fridge. “It’s fried rice—your favorite.”
Jahlani’s stomach clenches. “I’m not staying,” she says, tightening her grip on the basket. He turns, looking down at her shoes, only then seeming to notice she didn’t slip them off like she normally does. She doesn’t miss the flash of disappointment but decides to ignore it.
“I just wanted to drop this off for Lucy,” she says, setting the basket on the island. He moves toward it, unwrapping it carefully. She clears her throat. “It’s nothing crazy—just some books and toys.” She trails off when he reaches the photograph of the three of them. He goes quiet for an abnormal amount of time and nausea rises; she lowers herself onto the stool beside him.
He turns to face her, and she sees it then, in hiseyesand before she can stop herself, her hand covers his mouth as she shakes her head. “No. Don’t say it.”
He pries her hand from him, his brows pinched. “What?”
“Don’t say it,” she repeats, more desperately.
“Say what?”
She sends him a look. “You know what.”
“What? That I love you?” Each syllable is a shot to her system, destroying the intimacy, leaving her bruised and torn.
Because she didn’t deserve them. She feels him reaching toward her, and she opens her eyes pulling back. “I told you not to.”
He reaches for her again, but this time she slides from the stool. She paces, rubbing her knuckles against her mouth.
“I got a job offer. I’m taking it.”
“What?” He breathes out, reaching toward her. “That’s incredible?—”
“It’s the one in California,” she says, through trembling lips, her mouth drying as soon as the words fall out.
He blinks and then blinks again, rearing back. “California?”
