I’m making a few last-minute notes for the fundraiser that’s only hours away. To my disappointment, Ivy won’t be attending.
But it appears she received the gifts that I sent. I hear her shouting before she emerges in the doorway of my bedroom, the bouquet of irises in one hand and the drawing in the other. She limps a few steps forward as she hurls the arrangement at me.
“The lurking and lingering were one thing. Even the event tonight and all the humanitarian missions were fine. But you can’t do stuff like this.” She holds up the drawing before she crumples it up then tosses it at my chest. “Please stop.”
Reaching down, I pick it up and methodically unfold the sketch, smoothing out the creases. “This was the first one I ever drew of you.”
Her voice cracks as she says, “Luca, I don’t know what to say to that other than just shut the fuck up. I can’t keep doing this. I don’t want to be mean to you, but I don’t want to bond over flowers and art either. Do you want me to move? Are you trying to get me to leave? Just because I stayed in that house doesn’t mean I planned on you invading my mental space every five seconds. It’s hard enough knowing you’re so close and so out of reach for me all at the same time.”
Carefully, I lift my hand and wipe the tear off her cheek, touching her for the first time in weeks before she takes a step back and my arm falls to my side.
“You don’t need to go anywhere. I am.” Her confusion morphs into shock as I explain the decision I’ve come to. “I’m turning myself in tomorrow. I’m going to confess to the wreck and admit that I’m the one who’s responsible for your mom’s death. Then whatever happens is exactly what I deserve. I just wanted to wait until after the event tonight. I’ve realized honoring her memory isn’t enough. I need to take accountability for what I did. It’s the only way to make it right.”
Ivy’s tears continue to fall as she asks, “Are you serious or is this another game?”
“It’s the truth. All my affairs are in order. Everything is set for however long I’m locked up. I handled the paperwork yesterday and gave Anthony power of attorney over my estate.”
She sits on the edge of the bed, her hands press against the mattress as she stares ahead for a few minutes. “They’re going to lock you up in a cell that you can’t just get out of. You realize that, right? It’s not a joke. Or is that the plan? To get off without actually serving time?”
I drop to my knees in front of her but don’t touch her, even though I’m longing for the slightest contact. “My legal team has been informed to not fight the charges. I’ll plead guilty to it all and accept whatever punishment is handed to me.”
Ivy avoids looking at me as she says, “Don’t do this for my sake or as a guilt trip to make me pity you.”
“That’s not my intention. It is for you, but only to prove that I want to be worthy of your forgiveness and will do whatever it takes.”
She whispers, “You’ll be trapped in a cell. The very thing you hate—being confined with no way out.”
The thought makes my skin crawl. “I deserve a far worse penalty.”
“Luca, there’s no going back once you admit it. This isn’t a game. It’s real life.”
I’m unable to resist reaching for her. Bringing her wrist to my mouth, I feather a kiss over her skin. “I created my own prison.”
Having her in front of me but out of reach is far worse than being confined against my will. The second I took her mom’s life, I sealed our fate. And I’ll spend the rest of my life paying the price.
94
IVY
The sound of my phone chime still makes me cringe. I always anticipate checking the message, fearing somehow Mercy will send one. But they never do. Brooke, however, texts me every chance she gets.
Brooke: Are you sure you don’t want to attend tonight? I promise I won’t leave your side.
I believe her even though things are still a little disjointed with us. She’s disclosed more about her dad to me, and the things she went through… well, let’s just say he makes mine look like a saint.
No matter what, I can’t go tonight and face Luca after what he told me. He’s diving headfirst into his worst fear by volunteering to be imprisoned for who knows how long. But I couldn’t find it in me to tell him not to. I felt like I’d be picking him over my mom.
Ivy: I’m going to pass. But have fun.
Brooke: It won’t be fun without you. Let me know if you change your mind.
I won’t. As I also explained to Anthony several times when he wanted to double check if I’d decided to go. I asked him if Luca’s POA claim was true, and he confirmed it. He’s definitely Team Give Luca Another Chance, though I don’t believe he would lie to me about this.
Since Luca is certainly at the fundraiser by now, I go out to the backyard for the first time in forever. At least I don’t have the urge to sink to the bottom of the pool anymore.
I sit on the edge and remove my brace before putting my feet in the water. The temperature of the water is perfect. It’s still been pretty warm outside, but once it drops, the heater will come in handy if I get the itch to dive in.
My gaze can’t help but drift to the Montclair home. There’s one window that’s dark that instantly catches my attention. Why can’t he be the same brute I met? It’d be easier to loathe him if he was still tormenting me. Now, it’s harder to hate him. How fucked-up is that?
