“They threatened Zachary, right? Said they’d kill him if you didn’t follow their rules.”
“Yes.”
“Luca told the Keepers to kill him because he wouldn’t play.” Cain keeps a steady eye on me as he explains, “But they threatened to hurt you if he backed out of Mercy. Even they realized you were his weak spot before the two of you had even officially met. Crazy, right? That’s when he decided to put a stop to the entire society. That’s when he asked me if I’d help him do it. My intention was only to find out what really happened to my sister. But the more I discovered, the more I agreed that the whole organization needed to be disassembled. And that’s whatwe did, from the inside out. So, I just thought you should know he was willing to die but wasn’t willing to give you up.”
Cain leaves my house and hours later, the conversation has me frustrated and unsettled. It doesn’t matter what my mom would tell me to do. It doesn’t matter what Luca did after the accident. Though, the fact that he kept playing because they threatened to kill me really just pisses me off more. Because he shouldn’t care. And neither should I.
I need to get out of here for a few minutes. However, I’m unable to drive at the moment since my leg is still in a hard brace, and I don’t want to ask Anthony to take me, so I request an Uber and meet the vehicle outside when it arrives.
The driver looks a little confused when he drops me off at a random intersection. He’d really be confused if I explained that it was where my mom died. But I just tell him thanks and get out of the car.
It feels different now. And yet, nothing is. My head might be a tad bit clearer since I’ve had a little more time to accept what I learned about my mother. But none of it truly makes sense to me.
As soon as I look to the cross that my uncle placed, I regret coming here to get some air. Because the unsolicited gardener has been here too. There’re irises planted all around. And I can’t help but notice the concrete raised planters that are lining the road, creating a barrier from the traffic. There’s nowhere I can go to escape him. Everything reminds me of Luca. And I’m sick of it.
I hobble over and sit nearby since I’m already here. I’ve never wanted my mother to tell me what to do more than right now. Because I don’t know where to go from here.
92
IVY
FIVE WEEKS LATER
“Are you sure you don’t mind? I know it puts more on your plate having three more people here.”
“It’s your home; therefore, it’s your decision,” Anthony replies as I tilt my head, my hand on my hip as I wait for an actual reply until he continues, “It’s no bother to me at all. And I believe it’d be great for you and Zachary to have more family around.”
“Yes, it’d be nice,” I admit That’s why I had a conversation with Uncle Shawn when they came over for Thanksgiving supper last week. At first, I didn’t think my uncle would go for the idea. Especially with how Grandma feels about me. Although, she seemed to be a bit less hostile when she was here. I believe that Anthony had a lot to do with the fact because he kept her engaged in conversation about king cakes, which is a favorite topic of hers. But even when she did see me, she didn’t scream and only told me one time to get away from her. Nevertheless, the house is spaced-out enough that I won’t be around her unless she wants to see me. Plus, I offered to hire additional medical staff to come in and help out. So, it’ll take a load off of Aunt Kathleen. And that’s why I really think Uncle Shawn agreed.
They’re making arrangements and should be here in the next few weeks. Maybe even in time for Christmas. Of course, I said I’d still do the same even if they didn’t want to move in with me. But I really hoped they would. The house feels too empty. Zachary is hardly around. However, he’s doing well in school. He’s showing up and actually making decent grades. It’s one of those situations where I go with my mom’s old saying ofpick your battlessince he’s on a decent track.
Especially since he got up and ready for school this morning without complaint. Usually, the first day after break is rough. I’m dreading going back tomorrow but thankfully had a good excuse for my absence today.
“You know what else is good?” I point to my right leg that’s now in a soft brace. “I can drive now.”
“It’s no trouble for me to chauffeur you around, Ms. Walker,” Anthony states.
“Can’t say I’ve minded either, but it’ll be nice to have a little freedom.” The hard brace was miserable and constrictive. Just getting around seems easier.
“Have you decided if you’re attending the fundraiser this upcoming weekend?” he asks.
It’s not just any fundraising event, it’s Luca’s event. He’s still on his do-gooder roll and I have to say this one is hard to overlook. The foundation raises awareness and funds for mental health and suicide programs. And while all that is amazing and important. I don’t know what to do with him. Always lurking and lingering in the background. He’s not pushing but is always there. “I don’t know. I think it’d be better just to send a donation. Then someone else can have my ticket.” That was purchased by Anthony before he asked if I wanted to go.
“It would be good for you to get out.”
“Anthony, my goal is to not leave the house. I’m going to finish the next few weeks of school then hibernate until afterNew Year’s.” I’d really considered going remotely to school; Zachary is the only reason I didn’t. Kind of hard for me to preach to him if he perceives I’m skipping out.
“There’s going to be several scholarships awarded in your mother’s honor. I presumed you’d want to be present.” When I don’t reply, he adds, “Perhaps, give it a little further consideration.”
I’ve given it a shitload of consideration. And I’m no closer to being comfortable with the decision than I was when he first mentioned the subject.
Once we’re home, I head to my bedroom and tell him I’m going to take a nap. I should try since I didn’t sleep much last night. The nightmares have been loads worse since I switched to a bedroom on the first floor. Making it upstairs wasn’t ideal. Initially, I didn’t mind the change of scenery—Luca had never been in this one, though he’s been in my dreams plenty. It couldn’t just be good sex dreams though; No, he joined the cluster of nightmares. Mostly, he’s injured and dying. Remy doesn’t appear as often. My mom is always there.
I lie across the bed and stare at the walls. Since the window faces the backyard, the curtain stays closed at all times. Maybe I should move back to my old room. The staircase shouldn’t be as much of a challenge now. But I decide to wait. I don’t want to make any rash decisions until I can think clearly.
93
LUCA
