His smile was sad. ‘Three’
Serena gasped. ‘Three?’
‘It’s a blessing really. I don’t remember her, or her leaving.’ But the look on his face spoke of a curse and not a blessing. From his body language, it was obvious he wanted to shut the topic down, maybe even regretted telling her, but Serena had so many questions. This was a trauma they shared. Was this why he’d been so understanding and supportive of her, because he knew the emotional scars she bore? But, then, why hadn’t he let her support him in return? She knew the struggle it was to find people with similar experiences who could understand. She’d felt so alone with hers until Caleb. She didn’t want him to feel alone either.
‘Why did she leave?’
He shrugged, shaking away the shadow that had descended over his expression. ‘I don’t know. I don’t think motherhood made her very happy.’
‘She never tried to reach out to you?’ He shook his head and her heart jammed somewhere in her throat. ‘I’m so sorry, Caleb.’ She reached for him, sliding her hand up and over his arms, the muscles bunched tightly.
‘You don’t need to be sorry,’ he said curtly, before gentling his tone. ‘I told you, it’s not something I remember, so it didn’t affect me a whole lot.’
Except he was talking about it, and the memory had been roused by her own tale of abandonment, so he clearly felt something. ‘You may be able to get away with spinning that line to other people, but not me. I know how it feels to not have a mother. And I know the toll it’s taken on Kit and Alexis, not remembering our mum. The scars it’s left’
‘There’s a big difference between my situation and theirs. Their mother died. She was taken from them, and you. Mine made the choice to leave.’ He said it with such a heart-wrenching starkness that she wanted to fold him into her arms and hold him as tight as possible for as long as possible.
‘That’s why it was so important to you to be involved,’ she realised, the wound she’d sensed in him but not been able to see. ‘Why you insisted on us marrying, so our baby would grow up with two parents.’
Caleb barely acknowledged it, but Serena knew she was right. Knew that regardless of what he said, it had affected him, only maybe in ways he didn’t want to acknowledge, ways he didn’t know how to express. She wished he’d told her sooner. It would have gone such a long way to explaining his earlier insistence, maybe making it easier for her to accept, to understand his actions as protective and not controlling.
‘It’s also why you avoid relationships, isn’t it?’
His eyes were veiled as they lifted to her. ‘I think that’s enough sharing for one morning. We have plenty of time to get to know these things.’ But it was obvious he didn’t want her to know them, didn’t want to dwell on his mother and the scars it had left. Or how to heal them.And it’s not your job to heal them,she reminded herself.You’re his wife in name only.
But that didn’t mean they couldn’t be close, or friendly. Surely their situation demanded it, and if helping him enabled him to be a better father to their baby, it wasn’t only about him. It was about all of them. But he was right—there was time for that.
‘If we’re not going to talk, we’ll have to find something else to do. I have one idea,’ she mused, burning with the thought of him taking her again. Last night hadn’t been anywhere near enough. She wanted more time to explore his body, to explore the heat shimmering between them. Last night, Caleb had shown her what it was to matter, to be wanted and hungered for. Worshipped. She wanted her chance to revere him too. ‘Unless…’ It occurred to her then that maybe he didn’t want her body as much as he didn’t want her heart. Maybe as enjoyable as last night had been, it hadn’t blown his mind the way it had hers, and he was using this as a convenient excuse. She was inexperienced after all—maybe she hadn’t satisfied him. Maybe that was why she had woken to an empty bed.
‘Unless what?’ he prompted, raising an eyebrow.
Serena swallowed the insecurity bobbing in her throat. ‘Nothing.’ She lacked the bravery to expose that much of herself to him. And if he tried to deny it, that would be…too awful. But he advanced towards her, taking her chin between his fingers and tilting her head back until she was trapped in his gaze.
‘You question if I really desire you? Even after last night?’ She couldn’t answer, there was too much emotion crowding her brain. ‘Serena, if you knew how hard it is to see you in only that shirt right now, to see the outline of your body, to breathe in your scent and not bury myself inside you…if you could feel what being this close to you is doing to my body, you would know how very much I do want you.’
His voice was low and rough, sexy, and Serena trembled beneath his words, her blood humming as if she was being subjected to his touch. ‘What are you doing?’ he asked as she reached out.
‘Feeling what I do to you.’ He didn’t let go so much as he loosened his grip enough for her to free her hand herself, and she laid it gently against his bare chest, right above his heart. The rapid beats pulsed against her palm, hard and insistent. It stole her breath, and with her heart leaping in her throat, she slowly slid her hand lower, tracing over the ridges of his stomach and slipping beneath the waistband of his pants and onto the erection that was throbbing with heat and steel. His breath hissed out, but that only encouraged the slow strokes of her hand.
‘Enough.’
‘No. Not enough.’ Flicking her thumb across the tip of his erection, she watched his control shatter, watched him fight it. His eyes darkened to gunmetal. She couldn’t tell if his resolve was weakening or strengthening, but she knew her own will was strong, as strong as it ever had been. This was her marriage as much as his, and having found her voice again, her confidence, she wanted to keep using them.
With a growl, his mouth crashed down on hers, his hands on either side of her face, holding her captive as his tongue plundered mercilessly, soaking up every ounce of her hunger. He growled again, not getting enough, and hauled her against him, lifting her shirt and pressing his burning hands to her hungry flesh. The more he touched and tasted, the greater Serena’s hunger grew. With hands and tongue, she urged more, faster, and Caleb obliged, pinning her against the nearest wall and lifting her up, and with a single thrust of impatient possession, buried himself inside of her. Her climax hit hard and powerful, the long and glorious shudder wracking him too, and he buried his face in her neck, breathing loudly.
After a few minutes, he moved, carrying her with him. ‘Where are we going?’
‘To bed.’ His eyes glowed like obsidian. ‘And I’m warning you now, we won’t be leaving it for a while.’
‘This is beautiful.’ Caleb watched Serena’s delight with enjoyment as they sailed into the sheltered bay, their destination the picturesque harbour ahead. ‘Where exactly are we?’
‘Villefranche-sur-Mer.’ He smiled, extending his hand to help her off the yacht once they had docked.
It had been five days since the wedding, and this was the first time they’d left the villa—the first time Caleb had let Serena get clothes on—but she’d mentioned her desire to explore the region, and Caleb had been more than happy to make it happen. It wasn’t behaviour he would normally have engaged in with a woman, but with Serena’s assurances that she understood the lines between them and wasn’t going to develop feelings for him beyond the desire they shared, he saw no harm in the deviation. He liked seeing her happiness, particularly knowing that she had known too little of it, and whatever pangs of unease he experienced about breaking another of his norms, he dispelled with the argument that being seen enjoying typical honeymoon activities would only help their marriage charade. Additionally, building a good relationship now, from the outset, would enable them to co-parent better in the long term, even once their marriage was over, except looking ahead to that point in time sent discomfort drilling deep into his chest.
Pushing the thought away and keeping hold of Serena’s hand, he guided her up from the harbour, past the waterside restaurants and into heart of the town.
‘It’s like stepping back in time,’ she mused as they strolled the medieval streets, the sun warm on their skin, the day stretching easily ahead. Caleb relished that feeling of freedom, of not having to distract or restrain himself. ‘How did you find the town?’
