‘No,’ she breathed.
‘Never,’ he replied. ‘And this one…’ It was from the boat—Lukas holding a plate, her looking up at him. Was that only yesterday? ‘Your mother hasn’t ever looked at me like this and there hasn’t been a day where the two of us have not been in love. Let me show you one more.’ Her dad scrolled on his phone to a picture taken the night she and Lukas had gone to the casino. She was looking away but Lukas was looking at her. The emotion in his eyes took her breath away. ‘That young man is not faking, and neither were you.’
‘It didn’t feel fake,’ Katherine admitted, taking the phone from her father.
‘What do you see? How does he look at you?’ He squeezed her tighter.
‘Like he’d fight the world for me. Like he’d hold back the oceans if I asked him to.’ Except what they had wasn’t meant to last. ‘But he only agreed to this situation because he was forced to. He wants to drive. This PR stunt was his last shot at an offer.’
Her father took the phone from her and placed it on the scuffed coffee table then placed both arms around her. She wished she could have felt comfort like this growing up.
‘How did he react in that meeting?’
‘He asked for my opinion and then made sure I was okay.’
‘I see, and after that?’ her father pressed.
‘He took me to his home that he allows very few into. He gave me privacy and comfort and support. He helped me when I was struggling…’ with the media attention, with what her life was and why she chose this career. He never judged her. He kept her safe and treasured her and loved her.
And she loved him.
Katherine loved him so much it felt like a vital appendage had been lopped off. She loved him and she hadn’t come clean to him about the article. Nor had she apologised.
‘I never gave him the benefit of the doubt. After he cost me my job, I was convinced he was an awful person, but the truth was so very different.’
Was this revenge for me for accidentally getting you fired?
Maybe subconsciously, it all had been.
Katherine covered her mouth, muffling her voice. ‘I was never impartial. If I had been I wouldn’t have felt the need to pull that article in the first place.’
‘Can you understand why he feels betrayed?’ her father asked without judgement.
‘It’s my job,’ she said but the words tasted wrong.
‘I’ve always admired your commitment and your work ethic, but I have also always worried that you put achievement above everything else in your life. Sweetheart, it’s not your job that makes you important or worth listening to. You already are. Allow yourself to be happy outside of your career.’
That brought Lukas’s words straight back to mind.
You are not your mother. You have achieved so much more than everyone else in yourfamily has. Why are you letting your mother’s choices warn you away from a possible future?
That night she had felt so close to Lukas. And that kiss afterwards would never fade from memory. It broke her and mended her. Made her want to cry and levitate. It was so raw, so desperate. And the next morning had been even better. When he placed that angel in her hand it felt like a missing piece of her soul clicked into place.
She looked at the tired Christmas tree in the corner with its supermarket ornaments and brand new plastic angel. A perfect reminder of the way she had been sidelined by her family.
‘You say that yet you only had time for me when it came to racing or my career. Even then, when I finally broke into the industry you were gone to help Paige in another country.’
‘Katherine—’ Her father loosened his hold of her. Surprise on his face. But she spoke over him. She couldn’t hold back the words this time.
‘And how can I be happy and allow myself to love someone when Mum taught me that love means settling down and giving up my dreams? Dreams I worked bloody hard for. A career without which I wouldn’t have even the little bit of attention you grant me now.’ She got off the couch, tears she’d held back for years streaming down her face as she faced her father.
‘Where is this coming from?’ he asked. Hands on the couch, ready to stand, but Katherine ignored him. The dam had burst and nothing would stop the raging torrent.
‘There’s no winning, Dad. I either disappoint Mum, give up the connection I have with you, or forego love and companionship. I can’t have it all. I never could!’
His eyes widened. ‘Katherine, you know… I…’ He paused, shaking his head. ‘That’s not true.’
‘I love Christmas, did you know that?’
