Before she’d realised what she was doing, she spun around and launched herself at her father, who caught her in a tight hug. She never got so emotional that her parents had to comfort her. She could modulate her emotions on her own. Had done so since she was young.
No one else did.
No, her siblings didn’t. They expected comfort.
She pulled away from her father, looking at the textured cream tiles that hadn’t changed in twenty-seven years.
‘This is unlike you,’ her father said, his hand on her shoulder.
But was it? She did get upset. She’d been upset when her father had missed important days in her life because of Paige. She’d just made sure to mask it so that he wouldn’t feel guilty.
…they should have worked harder to know you.
That thought of Lukas made it impossible to speak.
‘Come, let’s have some tea and we can chat in the living room. I have a fire going.’
‘Can I have a coffee instead?’ It wouldn’t be like Lukas’s, but she loved coffee and she missed him.
‘Since when do you like coffee?’ her dad asked as he reached into the back of the cupboard to pull out a jar of instant.
‘I always have.’ Katherine wasn’t sure what made her say it. She was here to seek comfort, not to make her parents feel guilty.
He hummed as he switched on the kettle. ‘I’m the only one here. Your mother is out with Paige, and your brothers are off somewhere.’
‘That’s fine.’ She really only wanted her dad.
He finished making the drinks and handed a floral mug to Katherine. She took a sip of the milky coffee. It wasn’t great but at least it was something she had asked for.
‘Let’s go talk.’
The lounge had remained unchanged. The walls were still a shade of peach she could almost taste. The comfortable, pillowy couches were in exactly the same places even if the upholstery had been replaced a few times over the years, always with exactly the same colour and fabric. In the corner stood a Christmas tree with a plastic angel on top. A new plastic angel.
‘Who put the angel up?’ Katherine asked, sitting in the chair farthest from the tree while her father sat next to it.
‘Christopher won this round, though there were casualties.’
‘I see that.’
‘So tell me what’s wrong, Kittykat. I imagine it has something to do with Lukas Jäger.’
It was a physical ache to hear his name.
‘Do you want to explain what happened? One moment you were coming to dinner, the next you were missing and then you’re in a relationship with a man I know you dislike. I’ve never had to worry about you, Kat, but these past few weeks have been worrying.’
Her father’s words made her feel both angry and guilty. She never wanted them to worry about her and now she felt his disappointment in his words. Like she was being chastised.
‘I know, Dad. I’m sorry. I found out about the Finland trip last minute and then Lukas and I got caught in the storm.’ Katherine stopped. She didn’t have to give her father the abridged version. He was her family. ‘Actually, he saved me.’
‘Saved you?’
And then Katherine told her father everything that had happened in Lapland, but she kept the passion a secret for herself. Even excluding that physical connection from the narrative, when Katherine looked back at their time, she realised how much they’d had together, how much more than lust. Even if they hadn’t slept together, she would have left there wanting more of him. And then she confessed the truth about their relationship, how it had started. Saying it had all been fake felt like a lie.
Her father’s eyes softened. He’d remained silent while she spoke, but now he moved across the room to sit beside Katherine, pulling her into a tight hug that made it hard to keep the tears at bay.
‘It wasn’t fake,’ her father said softly, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling out his phone from his pocket. Suddenly she was a young girl again watching racing with her father except this time she was the entertainment. He was showing her pictures of herself from news articles he had saved. And despite the devastation cracking her soul apart, a small piece of her shattered heart rejoiced because she was alone with her father getting a bit of the attention she had always craved.
‘Look at this picture,’ he said, swiping to one that was taken the day she and Lukas had gone shopping. ‘Look at that smile on your face. Do you know when I last saw you smile like that?’
