‘You have already led a team as a driver. You have so much knowledge…such an understanding of the car and the craft that even from a technical aspect you could make a difference. Then there’s the fact that you took Dudek’s team from nowhere to a championship. You’ve done it with two different teams. If there’s anyone who knows how to win a championship, it’s you.’
‘But it isn’t driving.’
She leaned towards him, placing her elbows on the linen tablecloth and shaking her head. ‘No, it isn’t, but is driving what you’re really passionate about?’ she asked intensely.
Lukas couldn’t answer that. He loved driving but he couldn’t honestly say that he was as passionate about it now as he used to be. He was jaded.
‘From where I’m sitting, driving is keeping you in this weird purgatory where your life is on hold. You’re alone because of it. And you don’t have to be alone, Lukas.’
‘I could say the same thing about you.’ He needed to move the conversation away from this topic because Katherine was starting to make more sense than he wanted to hear.
‘That’s different,’ she said softly, picking up her utensils.
‘Why? You are not your mother. You have achieved so much more than everyone else in your family has. Why are you letting your mother’s choices warn you away from a possible future?’ It was an invasive question, Lukas knew, but he wanted to understand everything about Katherine. He needed to.
‘My achievements so far are precisely why I won’t let myself fall in love. It’s proof of what I can have without that distraction. Without the risk of having or wanting to give everything up for one person. I have responsibilities.’
‘Tell me about them.’
She placed her knife down and picked at the duck on her plate with her fork. ‘My parents are getting older and will soon have to retire, but that won’t be possible if Paige keeps getting into trouble. One time it was shoplifting, another it was drugs. There’s always something. She can’t hold down a job. One time she decided on a whim to pawn a bunch of things and flew to Europe where she worked odd jobs to move around between countries until she ran out of money and my dad had to go and get her.’
‘Did he miss something important?’ Lukas guessed he must have. If Paige caused disaster after disaster, not every mistake would be remembered, but the ones that hurt in some way would.
‘A celebration dinner when I got my very first media job. It was the first step in our plan and I knew he wanted to celebrate with me but he couldn’t. I understood, but it still hurt.’
‘You didn’t have to be understanding. He could have made her wait. He could have sent her the money to get back and whatever happened after that would have been her choice as an adult,’ Lukas argued, but Katherine’s family history was starting to become so clear.
‘I did have to. I’d vowed to be the one they never had to worry about. And that’s why I have to be a success, Lukas. Because if I have the resources to take care of Paige, then my parents can enjoy their golden years. And then I’ll have to care for them. Someone will have to pay for facilities they’ll need later in life. Someone will have to cover for all the savings they lost on rescuing my siblings. And besides all of that, this sport is my life. It’s my dream. I can’t lose it. Not for anyone or anything.’
‘I’m sorry, Katherine. I didn’t realise just how much I jeopardised by speaking so carelessly back then. In your place I would have hated me too.’
‘I’m sorry I didn’t give you the chance to explain. Maybe we could have had this sooner.’
Lukas didn’t care who was watching then, he leaned across the table and kissed Katherine bruisingly, wishing for the same. Wishing for more. Wishing that he had done a better job guarding his heart against her, because this affection for a woman he could never have hurt him more than hating her ever did.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Katherine worked quicklyand quietly to put the finishing touches on the Christmas decorations that now hung in the lounge.
After their dinner—and after that kiss that had felt so real her heart had started pounding in panic and exhilaration—they had returned home and Lukas had gone to his room and stayed there. When she’d come down for breakfast that morning, there had been no sign that he’d woken or worked out, which had been odd. But it had been an opportunity.
Katherine was now getting to experience what life was like for Lukas. Alpha One was his whole life, but there was so much that shouldn’t have to come along with it, which he was navigating the best he could. The unwanted attention, the loneliness. And he was lonely.
A holiday that does nothing but show me that I have no family to spend it with.
Lukas was caring and supportive and generous and kind. He had been proving that to her over and over. Taking care of her in Lapland when he didn’t have to.
At the meeting he’d deferred to her. Made her feel seen. Even her life choices—that her mother was critical of—had been simply accepted by Lukas because she’d made them.Hewasn’t critical, because he trusted her to make the right choices for herself.
And now thatshewas the one struggling with the media attention, Lukas hadn’t been smug. He didn’t ask her how she liked it or say ‘I told you so,’ he’d opened up to her and helped her through it.
Thatman didn’t deserve to be alone. Especially not at Christmas. Which had given her a brilliant idea. She had slipped from the uber-luxurious apartment and returned with all manner of decorations.
Green fir garlands now hung around the room. Woven through the gold poles with warm white fairy lights twinkling prettily between red and gold ornaments. The tree, which perfectly matched the garlands, was almost done. Katherine had only a few decorations left to hang. She quickly did so, then got rid of all the packaging before Lukas could see. There was one last thing to do, which she hoped he would do with her. Place the angel at the very top.
She’d just placed a plate on the coffee table when a gruff voice right behind her said, ‘What’s this?’
Katherine spun around, heart racing. ‘I didn’t hear you.’
