‘Is that so?’ He didn’t want to say more than that and give away how he felt to have someone see him that way. He had never spoken to his father about his feelings regarding his parents’ divorce or his mother’s disapproval. He had never wanted his father to be forced to comfort him and lie to him. To tell him that his mother was wrong. It would have hurt his father to say that. It was better to be the son his father needed him to be.
‘Yes.’ She reached across the table and placed her hand on his. A burning, sparking touch he wanted pressed against his cheek, a comfort he wanted to soak up. ‘And I truly don’t understand how you’ve been single for so long or why.’
Because his choices had consequences, that was why. And he couldn’t put another person through the way he lived his life.
A waiter approached the table and Lukas gestured to Katherine to order, all the while watching her. The way she smiled and laughed and bantered. The way her red hair glowed under the lights. The way the gleam from the candle on the table sparkled in her blue eyes. She was incredible. So full of life and determination. She was also the only person he had met who he could relate to.
‘And for you, monsieur?’
‘I’ll have the same and a glass of your best Bordeaux for Ms Ward.’
‘Of course.’
‘You knew I liked red wine?’ Katherine asked when the waiter left and Lukas was forced to show just how much attention he’d paid to her over the years.
‘There was a discussion about wine between you, and some of the drivers when we were in France once. You mentioned a Bordeaux you tried—’
Her eyes grew wide. ‘That I loved… Lukas, that was two years ago. You weren’t even there.’
‘I wasn’t part of your conversation, but I was there. I watched and listened,’ he confessed and then made another confession. ‘And to answer your previous question, I’ve been single this long because of choices I made.’
Katherine’s frown was a silent request for him to continue.
‘I was in a relationship for two years. We lived together. I was certain I would marry her. I loved her and in my mind we were already committed to growing old together.’
‘What!’ The surprise on her face was almost comical. ‘I had no idea.’
‘No one did, and that was the problem. No one knew because I was determined to maintain our privacy. Protect us from the press and scrutiny. But keeping it hidden forced us to be so careful of what we did and where we went. Whether people would take pictures of us. We tried to be happy, but she grew tired of how viciously I protected our privacy.’
You’re snuffing out the life in me, Lukas. I want to have fun. Not be sequestered in the shadows so no one ever sees us, or takes a picture of us. I won’t wait for you to be ready to live. You need to figure this thing out with the media because they are never going away, but I am.
‘She said she couldn’t live like that. As if we were sneaking around doing something wrong.’
Katherine was quiet, listening and not interrupting. He could see her curiosity and a part of him wondered if he was being stupid, telling her something so private. She was still a journalist and only on this date because that career in the media had been threatened. But something in him wanted to keep talking to her, so he did.
‘I thought we could just deal with the years I had to be in the spotlight and once I retired we could finally have the life we wanted and things would get better. But I was wrong. She was right to leave because I was being selfish again.Ididn’t want our relationship in the media, so I forced that on her without considering what she wanted. She said she just wanted to be able to live her life. It wasn’t a great time,’ he said, looking out the window at the sparkling lights of Monaco, certain that he saw a few flashes go off in the distance. ‘Two weeks later we were at the season opener and I saw you,’ he looked at Katherine then, remembering the way his steps had come to an abrupt halt when he’d seen her. She had taken his breath away. That attraction had never waned. Sitting here with her in that sparkling dress, it was stronger than ever. It had just magnified after getting a taste of her.
She laughed but it was sad. ‘You saw me and were attracted to me and everything went to hell.’
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘I decided after that it would be best for me to be alone until I retired.’ He saw the waiter approaching and leaned back in his chair. Katherine followed his movements. They kept silent while their meal was placed in front of them then thanked the server and waited for them to leave. Only then did they resume their conversation.
‘I don’t understand something,’ Katherine said. ‘If driving hurts you so much at this point, why are you so adamant about continuing? I know what you said about your father, but how is this for you? You’re the one who has to live with this career.’
‘I don’t have to. I have another option.’ The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, but now he wanted to tell Katherine. No one knew. Not even Dominic. ‘I have an offer on the table from Vortex Racing.’
‘Not to drive, obviously.’ Because they already had a confirmed driver line-up.
‘To be their team principal.’
‘Wow,’ Katherine breathed, sitting back in her chair. ‘That’s huge! But if you’re still looking for a drive, that means you turned them down?’
‘I haven’t given them an answer,’ Lukas admitted, picking up his fork, but all he did was push the food around his plate.
‘This is a massive opportunity, Lukas.’ Katherine sat up straighter, a small frown creasing her forehead as she placed her palms on the table. This was analytical Katherine. The side of her that absorbed information and made connections from it, and it was fascinating to watch.
‘Okay, so they’re new and unlikely to be very competitive in their first year. Their factory is small but they have attracted some big talent behind the scenes so I think they will have one of the better designed cars, which means there’s potential even with them having a customer engine. With your name attached, more sponsors would invest and that could make a difference. Just your name attached…’ She looked at Lukas and he stopped breathing, but it didn’t stop him from listening to her. ‘But with you leading the team, Lukas, I’d say two maybe three years at a push before that car’s winning races.’
He placed his fork down on his plate. ‘I don’t know, Katherine. I don’t know if I’m ready to leave the cockpit. If I’m ready to lead a team,’ he admitted.
