“She wouldn’t want this.”
“I know that too.” I suck in a breath. “She’d be so fucking disappointed in me, Maeva.”
“I think she’d be proud.”
I stare at her and she waves one hand. “Look at everything you’ve achieved while being a shell of a person. Imagine what you could do if you let yourself heal.”
I hiccup, wiping at my face. “Gods.” I have an instant headache. “When I saw you in the arena, about to die just like Kassia … it was horrifying. And I felt like such an idiot.”
“That’s because pushing people away doesn’t make it any easier when they die. It just adds a healthy serving of guilt to the trauma.” Maeva sits up taller. “I’m not trying to take her place. I want you to know that.”
I shake my head. “Kas would have loved you. You would have been fast friends.”
“I could use a friend likeyou. Someone who will put her life on the line for me. I’d do the same for you. So what do you say? Friends?”
I sniff. “Yeah. Friends.”
Maeva gives me the same smile she gave me on the first day we met. Full of life and hope and fun.
My head aches, and I rub at my temple. “When will they let you out of here?”
She sighs. “The healers say the poison ripped through me. I still can’t feel anything from the knee down in my left leg.”
I don’t even know what to say. Maeva attempts another smile, although this time it’s shaky. “You know this is the first time I’ve slept in since I was a child? It’s the first time I wasn’t up at dawn training. Axia said Kaeso and Brenin and the others have visited. And … Neris visited too.”
“Neris?” I gape at her. “Imperium Neris?”
Maeva’s cheeks turn a light pink. “She was there when they dragged me out of the arena. And she helped them bring me to the healers. She was the first person I saw when I regained consciousness.”
I’d wondered where Neris was when the imperius filed into the training hall without her.
Maeva bites her lower lip. “It’s not forbidden,” she says defensively. “I’m a novice now, not a gladian.”
“I know.”
“Then why do you look like you’ve tasted something unpleasant?”
I let out a huge sigh. “If you’re going to be with an imperium, do you have to choose someone so … mean?”
Maeva bursts out laughing. “She’s not mean tome.”
I roll my eyes and she gives me a wicked grin.
Maeva and Neris. Who would’ve thought? Although, if anyone can benefit from Maeva’s sweet personality—other thanme—I suppose it’s her.
Maeva reaches for a glass of water on her table and I hand it to her. She takes a sip and gives it back to me.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yes.”
“Why are you here, Arvelle? You don’t want to be a Praesidium guard. The rest of us have studied and trained for this.” Her tone is curious, blame-free, but I feel my shoulders hunch. Silence is suddenly heavy in the air between us.
Friends tell each other things.
The concept is still foreign to me after all these years of shutting people out, but I take a deep breath, considering the repercussions.
Bran took one look at my life and decided the only people he needed to include in our bond were the emperor and Tiernon. No part of him thought I would have a friendship with anyone else. That means I can tell Maeva everything.
