She smiles at Maeva like she’s a particularly clever puppy who has just learned a new trick. “Awake again already. Do you need a pain tonic?”
“No.”
“Yes,” I say, and Maeva shoots me a look.
Axia chuckles. “How about I return in a few minutes?”
Maeva gives her a smile. “Thanks.” She attempts to sit up, and I pick up a pillow from the dresser beside her, shoving it beneath her head.
An awkward silence descends between us as soon as Axia leaves.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I was mostly awake anyway. Just drifting. Thanks.” Maeva’s eyes meet mine. “You saved my life.”
“You would’ve pulled it together eventually.” It’s a lie, and she gives me a weak grin.
“Right. Just as soon as I’d stopped puking. What exactly happened?”
I take a deep breath. “Hester and Baldric decided to kill you. Because of me.”
“I don’t think you get to take credit for their actions, all things considered. What happened once I … left?”
“I had to fight Rorrik.”
Maeva goes still. “How are you still alive?”
“He decided to play with me instead of killing me. Everyone heard you were drugged, which is against the rules. And … Rorrik wasn’t exactly pleased when he learned that information.”
“His mother,” Maeva murmurs, her eyes sliding closed.
“What do you mean?”
“She was drugged and kidnapped. And he never saw her again.”
“How do you—”
She opens one eye and I almost smile. “Sigilkeeper’s daughter.”
“Thank you. For doing that for me. I don’t know why you would after what I said to you.”
I shrug. “I deserved everything you said. You’re right. You caught me at a bad time, but there’s no excuse for the rest of it.”
“So tell me why.”
I sigh. “I fought in the Sands six years ago with my best friend.”
She nods. “I figured that much out when Baldric called you ‘champion.’”
“One of Kassia’s enemies bribed a few people so she would face Kassia, and all of a sudden, our fight became a death match. I was too slow. And Kas died in front of me.”
Maeva’s face twists in agonized sympathy. I keep speaking, because I’m pretty sure I can only get this out once. “The moment Kas stopped breathing, everything else fell apart too. I’ve been numb, I guess. Numb and cold. For six years, I didn’t mourn. Because mourning might meanI would heal. It might mean I forgot about her. About how much she means … meant to me.” My throat is suddenly so tight it hurts to breathe. “And that would mean I didn’t love her enough. It would mean she’s truly gone, and there’s no bringing her back.”
For once, I let the tears fall.
“Arvelle.” Maeva reaches for my hand. “Thereisno bringing her back.”
A sob cracks out of me. “I know. I know that. I do.”
