“But—”
“If you say it’s not his job, I’m going to have to slap some sense into you. He’s your boyfriend. Even if it’s not his job, he should stillwantyou to be happy. No matter how much I like him as a person, I don’t like that. He’s barely even tried.”
“He says he is.”
“So you said. But he should be trying harder. Why isn’t he banging down my door to see you?”
“He’s called.”
“Called?” She waves her hands in a wild gesture. “Big deal. You deserve someone who will fight for you until their dying breath.” Her nose scrunches again and I laugh.
“That’s a little fairytale-esque. You don’t believe in that stuff.”
“I don’t believe in it forme. But for you, I can see it. Would you prefer your life was a villain origin story?”
“No, I’d prefer my life wasn’t dramatic at all.”
Jenna releases a slow breath as she nods. “You’re right. You deserve a boring life. A cookie-cutter husband. And two point five kids.”
“Thank you. That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” I fake a smile and she bursts out laughing.
“Shut up. You don’t want that. But you don’t want this either. You’ll find your thing.”
My body deflates as her words relieve some of the built-up tension. “I hope so.”
“Iknowso.” She squeezes my arm again. “Now I better go or they’ll kill off my character. Another one of my characters.”
“I thought they were doing that anyway?”
“They are. But not for another few episodes.”
“Oh, yes. Go. Go. Go.”
With a smile, she kisses me on the cheek and rushes off, waving one last time before the door shuts behind her.
The instant she’s gone, a frown replaces my smile.
I may not know what I want, or how I’m supposed to move forward, but one thing’s for sure… I don’t like where I’m at. And something has to change.
Taking Jenna’s advice, I adjust my earbuds and set off on my trek, a 90s pop playlist keeping me company. But as I trudge through the thick of the forest, smiling at the passersby, I couldn’t tell you a single song that played. I may be physically present, but my mind is back in my condo, staring at my side of the bed, half made, wondering where it all went wrong.
Was it me? Should I have tried harder to settle in?
Or is Nathan right, and Zane had something to do with my change of heart?
Yes, I was worried about moving and work before I left Florida, before Zane came back into my life, but I wasn’t questioning things like I am now. Maybe I would have worked harder if he’d never walked back into my life.
The weight of my issues slows me down for the first couple of miles, but as the elevation peaks and I hit my stride, the solace finally takes over, a calmness settling in my chest.
Like it always does.
“Stronger” by Britney Spears comes on, and a lightness fills me. There’s even a bounce in my step.
I can get through this.
I deserve to be happy. If I want a cookie-cutter husband and two point five kids then that’s what I’ll have. I don’t want that. But the point is…it’s time to figure out what Idowant and refuse to settle for anything less.
With or without Nathan.
