He moves to stand, and an irrational fear runs through me. “No,”—I reach out to stop him—“I don’t want you to go. I’m not sure I could handle it if you did.”
“Thank fuck.” He sighs, making me giggle. “That’s the last thing I want to do. I just wasn’t sure if you still wanted me here after our talk.”
My stomach knots. I knew he was carrying some heavy baggage, but for him to think he caused the accident… “I can’t believe you’ve been harboring that guilt. All this time.”
“Likewise.”
“Maybe we deserve each other.”
“Blair, if I’d known you blamed yourself, I would have come back sooner. I would have fought for you. But I thought you blamedme. You told me your life would be better without me.”
“Because I hated myself, Zane. I thought your life would be better withoutme. Not the other way around. Only I should have known you’d never accept that.”
“You’re damn right I—”
A loud crash echoes through the apartment and we both freeze, our eyes on the door.
“Only me,” Jenna yells out. “Just getting home.”
Zane releases a breath, his gaze weary. “God, this is so fucked-up.” He crawls onto the bed, resting his back against the headboard as he pulls me into his arms, curling me into him.
“Should we make a promise to be more honest with each other from here on out?”
I scrunch my face because I’m still holding back. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he tells me again.
“You’re wrong. I—”
“Blair, I shut down completely that day. When we first spoke in the hospital, I was completely numb. I can barely remember what you said. But I can remember your broken expression. I can remember your tears. And I can remember our agreement. But I wasn’t exactly open to a deep and meaningful conversation.”
“Me either, and honestly, I was scared of adding more to your stress. A little part of me didn’t think you’d stay away.”
“Really?”
“Yes. But then I let myself believe that you staying away proved that I’d been right. That you blamed me for what happened.”
“It never occurred to you that I was staying away because I cared? Because you’d asked me to?”
“No. I was self-deprecating. I wasn’t exactly thinking positively about anything. Including myself for that matter.”
“Ahh.” He squeezes me tighter. “It all makes sense now.”
“What does?” I frown, glancing up at him confused.
“Nathan was a punishment of sorts. Because you hated yourself.”
“No.” I laugh out loud. “Wishful thinking on your part.”
“Are you sure?” He raises a brow and I giggle when he smiles in anticipation.
“Yes, I’m sure. I loved him.”
“Loved? Past tense?”
“Yes and no.” I sigh quietly. “I don’t feel the same way I once did, but it’s not that easy to stop loving someone after that long.”Nathan’s not the only example I have for that statement.
Zane subtly winces before cupping my cheek, the sincerity and care in his eyes melting my heart. “Do you miss him?”
