“You can’t think like that. It’ll kill you.”
“I know. It’s come close. The only reason I survived was football. On the field I’m a different guy. I have a different life. But it was always missing something. Fuck, if I’d just told Cade about us…”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m thankful you didn’t because when he found out, he reacted exactly how you thought he would.”
“What?” Zane raises a brow, his expression a mix of hurt and confusion.
“He flew off the handle. Starting yelling about me being too good for you and what a fool I had been. He told me you’d been sleeping around at college and that you’d never be a ‘one woman kind of man.’ Then he said he hoped you’d never come back.”
“Wow.” Zane huffs incredulously. “I knew he’d say I wasn’t good enough, but that—”
“I know.”
“He didn’t seem to hate me when I saw him at the hospital, though. Or in the foyer earlier tonight.”
I bite back my smirk, the memory of Cade coming back—tail between his legs—always bringing me joy. “That’s because he apologized. Told me he overreacted because he was jealous. He didn’t want to lose his best friend. To me. But it turns out, he lost you anyway.”
“Because I kept my word and never came back.”
“Exactly. I think he assumed you were still going to talk to him. That he was exempt from your goodbye.”
“No one was.”
I pause, thinking of his parents, lost without him. “It didn’t take long for us to realize that. But thank you, by the way.”
“For abandoning you?” He scoffs and I roll my eyes. We’ve already established that’s not what happened.
“I’m thanking you for staying away when I asked you to. It was the best thing for both of us.”
“But if I’d come back sooner, we could have had this conversation years ago. Maybe you’d never have hooked up with the douchebag.”
“No.” I shake my head with a laugh. “Everything happens for a reason. If you’d have come back sooner, I don’t think I would have been ready to see you. Hell, I wasn’t ready to see you when I did. It took me a long time to stop hating myself after what happened. I thought seeing you again would bring back the pain.” Only that’s not what happened. His presence made me stronger. It’s making me stronger. Every day. I never would have survived this conversation with anyone else. “If you’d come back sooner and I’d found out how broken you were, it would have derailed me again.”
“I’m not broken.” Zane stands tall and smiles, while I stare at him deadpan.
“You’re not? What’s your sister’s name?” A sharp pang hits me. I don’t like hurting him, but it’s not healthy to avoid it.
Zane groans low in his throat, proving my point. “B…”
“Exactly.”
“But we lost so much time.”
“Did we?” I bite back a smile. “Are you expecting us to pick up from where we left off? Now that we’ve talked.” I’m trying to joke but as the words leave my mouth, my heart pounds in my chest. I never stopped caring for Zane. It just got mixed up with my feelings after the accident. And I’ve got to admit, he’s making it hard to walk away again.
Whether he thinks I’m kidding or not, Zane laughs. “Fuck, yes, I am. You’ve been mine since the day I saved you from your surfboarding accident, and no amount of time or distance has changed that.”
If only it was that easy. “Zane—”
“But,” he cuts me off. “I’m not going to push you. I’ve waited years; what’s a little more?”
“Always the gentleman.” I laugh, knowing that’s not a descriptor anyone else would ever use for Zane. And as if reading my mind, he adds…
“Only for you.”
With my heart still thrashing around in my chest, I hold my smile, unsure what to do next until a yawn escapes me, snapping us out of the moment.
Zane’s eyes flash to his watch and he groans. “Shit. I should let you sleep. The couch was in the front room, right?”
