Damn it, why does he have to know me so well? I shift around and gaze up at his eyes that have hurt behind them. Hurt thatI put there from not taking Amari to school together. Or hurt because I know what he wants.
“You know you can talk to me, right?” His voice has a genuine tone to it that causes my heart to skip a beat.
He’s always been so caring, always there for me, no matter what. Even when I know it must be hard for him to watch me be with Liam. I see it in the way his smile falls whenever Liam’s name comes up, or how his eyes lose a little light when he watches us together. He tries to hide it, but I can still see it. I know it must tear him apart to be around, watching me build a life with someone else. He still continues to show up and be there for me.
I should be honest with him, but I can’t stand breaking his heart more than I’m doing already. “Everything is fine,” I say with a smile.
He looks at me with a question. “Then why didn’t you want to take Amari to school together?”
And there it is.
Shit.
“Because I have stuff to do after dropping her off.”
Wow. Nice excuse, Blakely. Even I can’t believe my own lies.
“Does this have anything to do with what Kevin said?”
“No. Liam knows Kevin talks a lot of shit. Everything is fine. I promise,” I say, looking around. The parking lot is getting scarce. School is already starting. “I gotta go. When Amari gets out of school, I’ll have her call you,” I say, waving as I walk away.
I reach my car, and the moment I close the door behind me, the tears fall. They stream down my face as I grip the steering wheel. I knew us not taking Amari together would break his heart. I could see it in his eyes and feel it in the way he questioned it. Now, here I am. My heart feels just as shattered. I thought I was doing the right thing, so why do I feel so broken?
Kai
I take the salmon out of the oven, set it on the stove, and pour the Beurre blanc sauce over the salmon. This is a new recipe I found when I was googling what to eat with salmon. Salmon is healthy, and a main dish of mine, but I needed to find a new way to season it. Lemon and pepper were getting boring.
I take a seat at my small, two-seater table, the one Blakely and I had in our old apartment. I haven’t needed to get a new one since it’s usually only me and Amari here. Sometimes Kevin.
I take a bite of my salmon and think back to the day Amari went back to school and everything before and after that.
Everything has felt so off with Blakely lately. Ever since I told her how I truly feel, it’s like there’s this unspoken tension between us. Sometimes I think I made a mistake by telling her. Should I have kept it to myself and let things be? But then again, not trying would’ve haunted me for the rest of my life. I didn’texpect her to come running into my arms, or to leave Liam on the spot. By now, I thought she’d at least have given me some kind of answer. She didn’t outright say she didn’t love me, and she didn’t say she didn’t love Liam either. She left everything hanging in this limbo, and I thought she needed time to sort through it all. But how much time does she need? It’s been a little over a month, and every day that passes without a word, it feels like I’m losing her a little more. The waiting is eating me alive.
Mark: Hey man, when is a good time for you to come check out the kitchen?
Fuck.I sigh.
Another reminder that my life isn’t going like I thought it would be by now. I know I’m part of the cause, but damn, she could give me something.
And what the hell was up with herI had stuff to do after dropping her offbullshit? I could smell the lies from a mile away. Blakely’s always been a terrible liar, and that excuse? It didn’t sit right with me. It hadLiamwritten all over it. I know she’s hiding something, and I’d bet anything it has to do with him. He’s never been one to interfere with my relationship with Blakely. He's always acted like the bigger person. But have things changed now that they’re engaged? Maybe now he sees me as a threat. Could he be pushing her to distance herself from me? It’s not like Blakely to be so vague, to brush things off like that. I know her too well. She’s trying to protect him, but from what? From me? The thought pisses me off. We’ve always managed to co-parent just fine. But now it feels like Liam’s pulling her away. I know our co-parenting isn’t thenormal co-parenting that happens with couples when they split. It’s actually been a blessing we have this close of a relationship. Most couples don’t. Liam should see that. I thought he did see that.
One thing for certain is he cannot keep me from my family. Blakely is my family, too. If she doesn’t want me around, it needs to come from her, not him. And even then, she can’t keep me away.
I love her.
I’ll always love her.
This is the sucky part about living alone. Sometimes I get into my head. Overthink shit. Like when I took having my family together for granted. I would do anything to have that back.
Blakely
“Is Liam going to make it?” my mom asks.
Today is Bryn’s sweet sixteen. Thank God she isn’t pregnant at sixteen like I was. I prayed she would never follow in my footsteps. Even my mom used to lecture me about it. That was one thing me and my mom used to butt heads about after I moved back in with her. She was so much stricter with Bryn than she was with me. I felt bad that my actions caused Bryn to have more rules placed on her. I tried talking to my mom to see if it would help loosen her up, but all it did was cause arguments between us.
“He said he would,” I say, hanging the last of the balloons as the savoryaroma of homemade chili fillsthe house, a warm blend of spices,making the house feel very warm and comforting.
Bryn didn’t care to have a sweet sixteen party. All she wanted to do was hang out with her friends. A typical teenager. So here we are having a little get-together for her.
