“Jesus. I think you injured my brain or something. Rendered it unable to ever compete with that, even in a fantasy.”
“Good,” Cas says, his body still draped over me, but moving off the parts I need to finally catch my breath. “I don’t want to compete with anyone when it comes to us, not even me.”
I laugh at that. And I had thought that was exactly what was going on. That this Cas, the here and now one, could never compete with the memory I had of him.
I can’t believe it is possible for someone to be as wrong as I was.
I pull the covers over us, enough to knock off the chill of the room, but I’m made of too much Jell-O right now to actually move anywhere other than running a hand through his hair.
“Tell me what you meant, earlier, about wanting…Bear Valley, and this.”
Cas moves, shifting in the dark until I can see his face meet mine.
“I left you once, Baylor. Even knowing I loved you, I left. I don’t want to do that again. I’m selfish. I want it all.”
My heart thuds. It’s what I have always wanted to hear.
“I can’t ask you to give up what you have worked so hard for.”
Cas gives a laugh, then quiets, tracing patterns into my skin.
“Things were easy, you know, and maybe they aren’t supposed to be. Hell, more talented people struggle and never make it. There I was, a kid in his early twenties with more dreams than sense. Music always came easy to me, and I knew once I got here, and I saw this place — I would have to not be lazy.”
“Cas, we juggled college and shows, and we worked our asses off. You have never been lazy.”
Cas shrugs. “I think maybe that was you. I just always found it easy. Maybe that’s because I love it. But, even dealing with the stress and the fame wasn’t as difficult as those movies would make you think. At any rate, I didn’t allow my focus to waver, I said yes to everything I could, I toured and toured. All the things I was told would help me make it, I did it all while they were telling me to enjoy the success that came my way because it wouldn’t last. Everyone said it was too fast to last.”
I smile. “And they were wrong about that.”
“So, I made it? Is that what we are saying? I know the numbers and I know the comparisons to other bands, other singers. I understand where I stand in the context of this industry and its history. And I still can’t tell you if it is enough to last. But, I’m not in my house, Bee. I don’t even want to take you there. It’s four walls I bought because it had a turn-key studio and the right address. As soon as I needed safety, the only place I could think about was where you were. The album was a lucky chance to do what I really wanted. You and Bear Valley are the only things that have ever been safe.”
“Bear Valley will always be there for you, Cas.” And it will, I will make sure of it.
Cas smiles, leaning up to place a soft kiss on my mouth. “That’s not going to be enough.”
I frown, heart sinking. Of course, Bear Valley wouldn’t be enough. “What else do you need?”
Cas smiles, his fingers finding mine before he pulls our tangled fingers to his mouth, placing soft kisses on my hand.“You.”
My heart skitters across my chest as I gape like a fish a few times.
“I came to see you, did you know that?”
Now my mind skitters, and I wonder if I am still sideways from the orgasm rush.“See me?”
“At Black Diamond. I was there for your debut. And New Year’s a couple years back. Then that night I got back early.” Cas gives me a kiss again. “This isn’t just me running to you for a soft place to land. I’ve been heading that direction for a while.”
“Then stay,” I say in a rush, afraid I won’t actually say it if I don’t get the words out right now. “Stay with me in Bear Valley.” I pause, swallowing hard. “I built that house, hoping to fill it one day. With a family. . .with love. We can make everything else happen – movies and tours and...”
Cas shakes his head, another light kiss stopping my words. “Tours and movies will be something we decide together, Bee. From here on out.”
“So, you’re moving in?”
Cas smiles at me, running a finger down my face.
“I already had Nix put my house on the market.”
Chapter 22 – Caswell
