“Too bad he will miss your show,” Perrin says, his eyes studying me closely.
“Maybe next time,” I say, trying to not show how relieved I am that Cas won’t be here when I next perform at Black Diamond. I’m not ready for that. I’ve just barely even been back on stage.
Perrin just raises his eyebrows and looks over to Bishop.
Ah, whatever the reason I’m here, apparently Bishop drew the short straw and has to lead the conversation.
“We just wanted to check in with you,” Bishop says, a gentle smile on his face, as if this is the first week of class and he’s going over the syllabus, making sure I understand the commitment needed to succeed. “It can’t be easy having people in your house. You aren’t used to that.”
“Is this an intervention?” I ask instead of answering. “I feel like I’m part of a secret society this morning.”
“Mann’s have Sunday dinner; we have Wednesday morning coffee. It’s invitation only,” Perrin says smoothly, then pauses, waiting apparently for me to answer Bish.
“Oh, it’s been fine.” I say with what I hope is a reassuring smile. If this is alet’s check on Baylorsituation, I need them, and my brothers, to know I am fine.
Perrin gives a little half-smile. “Fine, he says.”
“Be real with us, Bee,” Theo says.
“Why all the concern?” I ask, trying to meet their eyes. “I feel embarrassed that we are having this intervention or whatever it is. I didn’t know that I was doing anything strange.”
“It’s not that,” Bishop explains. “It’s more that you and Cas seem. . .like maybe there is something there? A spark? Mutual attraction?”
“You look at each other sometimes in a way that says more than co-writers,” Theo says. “We know there is some history there, and we just want to know that you are okay, and that you can always talk to us.”
“Maybe tell us about how you and Cas met. About what it was like before you were famous?” Perrin encourages.
“Did Jack put you up to this?” I ask, and Perrin shakes his head.
“No, Bee. But you have to understand, you are the emotional glue of the family. When you go quiet, it’s felt. With everyone.” Perrin gives my hand a squeeze with the words.
“Your brothers tend to just let you get quiet,” Bishop says, then he gestures to Perrin and Theo, “we aren’t convinced that’s a good idea.”
“You have known Cas a long time,” Theo adds, gently. “Tell us about it.”
I huff out a breath, and start to say something flippant, something that will get me out of there quickly but not upset the important people in my brothers’ lives.
Instead, I look at the earnest faces of those who have also chosen my family as their own. To a person, a choice that came with personal sacrifice to get here. Perrin still holds the emotional scars, healed but there. So does Theo, all his sweet nature still intact after being seen for weakness. Bishop even has physical ones, as my eye lands on the missing finger on his right hand.
If they are asking, the least I can do is answer the question and do it honestly.
I run a hand over the wood grain of the table.
“Cas and I, we were together once upon a time. Back in college when we met and played together.”
“How did you meet?” Theo asks.
“We were in a creative writing class together. A small class of fifteen or so, and everyone else were upperclassmen and already knew each other.” I can feel the smile I have from this memory. “I had a notebook where I was jotting down bits of poetry or a phrase that sounded good. Cas just snapped it up the first day when he took the seat next to me, looked it over, and asked if he could take a stab at finishing the song.” I laugh, my thumb tracing the wood grain like it has all the answers to the universe. “I didn’t even know I was writing a song,” I confess.
“Did you finish it?” Perrin asks.
I loosen my shoulders. Somehow, reminiscing like this doesn’t hurt with these guys.
“Yeah, we worked on it after class. Cas had all these instruments in his room, so we put it to music pretty quickly. Cas was playing with some other guys, trying to get a band together and they had a gig the next night, so he asked me to come be a backup vocalist since the song was new and they didn’t know the words. Come to find out, none of them could sing very well anyway.”
“And you loved it?”
I shrug at Bish’s question. “It was a rush. We wrote more songs, played more gigs. One thing led to another, and the band changed but Cas and I stayed together.”
