“Jack, I can’t imagine what this is like for you, or Perrin,” he said. “But, thank you, for all your generosity. It will be over soon. I promise you things are moving.”
“Just bring him back safe, Bish,” I said, and before I could stop myself, I asked the question I never did. “How is he? Have you seen him?”
“Yeah, this morning. He looks about like you do, Jack. I’m sure you could use an excuse with the Foundation if you want to just be at the hospital and see him. ”
“I can’t go to the hospital right now,” I said.
Bishop’s eyes held concern, but he didn’t say anything. I got the feeling he understood that me being close to Perrin and not touching him was impossible. I would give something away without meaning to. Bishop looked at this as his big opportunity to get Holden, and he wasn’t taking chances.
“If you aren’t sleeping, come here about midnight,” he said, after studying me a few beats, and then left with a nod.
Of course I wasn’t asleep, so I did just that. Bishop was the only one in the room, and I began to wonder if he slept less than I did.
“My shift tonight,” he said, and motioned to the monitors. One was of Bannon’s house, one of Holden’s house, one of Perrin’s front door and hallway, and several others from the hospital.
Bishop motioned to Holden’s. “He hasn’t left the house. IP activity ended about three hours ago, so he’s probably asleep. There has been no activity at Perrin’s condo; he went home right after his shift at the hospital.”
I looked at the door to Perrin’s home, like I did every day, and wondered why I was there and what Bishop was trying to tell me.
“Keep your cell phone on, and I can give you four hours. I assume you know the code to his door?” Bishop looked at me and I blinked.
“Four hours?”
“I want you out and home or here before Levi takes over. Four hours.”
“Bish . . .” I breathed.
“It’s a one timething, Jack. You both need to remember why we are doing this, he needs to know what’s real. He needs you. But, if this is going to make it worse . . .”
I cut Bishop off with a look. “No, not worse.”
He caught my arm before I could run out of there. “Keep your phone on, Jack. Set an alarm now, leave in four hours, that part’s not negotiable.” He watched me as I set the alarm, and had the sense not to mention my shaking hands.
When I got to Perrin’s, it was worse than I thought. I had been in Perrin’s room enough, knew Perrin enough, to understand that even though I couldn’t see clearly in the dark, his room and condo were a complete mess. My heart sank as I looked around best I could. Whatever had its hooks in Perrin, it was in him pretty deep.
It took me a moment to orient myself to his place, not just the disarray, but the overwhelming sense and smell of him. My heart almost couldn’t take that. Not on top of the sense of missing him that I had.
I made my way back to his bedroom, and there he was, curled in a ball in the middle of his bed. By curled I meant it literally. His knees were up to his chest, almost a fetal position. His back was to the door, and I tried not to notice the bottle of vodka sitting three-quarters empty on the bedside table.
Perrin moaned.
Before I could think about it, I was in the bed with him, sliding in to spoon his shivering body. Perrin didn’t wake up, but he stilled and let me hold him.
“I wish you were real, Jack.” Perrin whispered, rubbing his face to my arm, sending electric shocks at the feel of his skin on mine, and also ripping my heart out with his words.
“Iamhere, Perrin,” I said, whispering against him, into his ear.
Perrin didn’t say anything for a moment and got still. I felt him actually wake up, and move in my arms, rolling until we were face to face.
“Jack?” he asked, touching my face, and his hand wasn’t steady. I started to talk to him, but his hands were in my hair, pulling my lips to his before I could speak. His kiss was desperate and sad, like he was kissing me for the last time. It was longing and want and intense and I tried to chase it, to keep up with how deep he was drinking me in.
“So warm, Jack,” he whispered against my neck, the same place he always went to, and I choked back a sob at the familiar run of his nose against my neck to my ear. I started taking off his pants, I needed him in me; connected as close as two people could be, and I needed it desperately. I whispered so many things against his skin as I undressed him. So many confessions I branded there with kisses, trying to reach the parts of Perrin that didn’t seem wholly there with me just yet.
“Need you, Perrin. Need to be with you like this,” I whispered. I knew he loved those words, that that rawness got him each time I used them. He was the one to usually go for the dirty talk, but he always liked it when I did it too.
“Please, Jack,” he whispered back, making strangled moans as our naked bodies finally slid together. “I shouldn’t want you this badly, but I do.”
I didn’t want to chase that conversation. I wanted him, to feel him, and to get him to open back up to me. I wanted to anchor him and remind him I was real, we were real, and being apart had an expiration date. His lips and hands were all over me, whispering how glad he was that I was there, and saying sorry in a way that seemed to say goodbye.
