I let out a breath, silently pleased.
“And so, why the questions, then?” I asked.
“He’s nuts about you, Jack,” he said quietly. “The way you look at each other, it’s just intense to last as long as it has. You have been plastered to each other for almost threemonths now.”
“I don’t think that’s as negative as you make it sound,” I responded, smiling at him.
“When is the last time you slept alone?” He asked. I didn’t have an answer for that. Literally since the first night, we had slept next to each other. Hell, I wasn’t even liking the very idea of sleeping apart from Perrin. But, I wasn’t ready for that conversation with my brother just yet. It was too intimate, too telling of feelings I was just now admitting to myself.
“Why does it matter?” I asked, deflecting.
“Jack. I love seeing you rested, happy. But . . . Do you guys talk, or just . . ..” The words were out, and his face already looked apologetic but I still immediately felt my heat rise and my anger as well.
“Just what, Baylor? Fuck? Is that what you are asking?”
“Jesus, Jack. No, I just. . . .” he rubbed his face. “I think it was easier to just think of you guys as just lusting after each other, but now . . . Idunno. I’ve never seen you like this with someone.” Baylor looked off, out the window. “I just don’t want you getting out over your skis.”
He said it so softly, it made me pause, even though I felt like I knew exactly where I stood with Perrin.
Baylor was quiet and always playing in the background, where my job was to shake hands and smile. He always had several projects going at one time, managing the landscaping, running the businesses we had out at the ranch, and continuing his own songwriting career.
But Baylor knew people and understood their complexities in a way I never felt I fully grasped. I always joked with him that he had to stay out at the farm because people were too overwhelming for him. He felt their energy too deeply. It made for great lyrics.
Baylor also knew, more than anyone in my family, what true heartbreak really was. Or, at least, I had my suspicions about why he stayed resolutely alone. He had never talked to me, or any of my brothers that I knew of, about a very fast and intense romance he had in college. It still haunted him in ways, I had always guessed.
We had beenclose to thesame age, grown up together – the first person I ever called my brother, and his opinion meant more to me than I cared to acknowledge. I was adopted by Ellen and Rita when I was 15. Baylor was adopted later in the same year at 14. We were brothers, and blood be damned on that point.
“So, youdolike him?” I asked, finally. Trying like hell not to act like what he said meant as much to me as it did. I hadn’t ever asked him that before, or cared really, about what he thought of someone I was interested in.
He smiled, lighting up his dark features brilliantly. “Of course I like him, Jack. What isn’t to like?” He spun his glass around a bit. “But, what is he? Like your boyfriend? Everyone just calls you all ‘Jack and Perrin’.”
I waved dismissively, “Shit, B. I don’t know.” I didn’t have the exact words for this conversation, but I knew I didn’t have to with my brother. “I don’t feel like I have to know that kind of stuff with him.”
“Are you in love with him, Jack?”
I didn’t have an answer for that. Was what I felt for Perrin being in love? Could I doin love? Was it too fast, too uncomplicated?
“I think I could be,” I told my brother, giving him the best answer I had to give. Vague maybe, leaving both the implication that I could be now or could be in the future.
His eyes nailed me then. “You tell him, yet, Jack?” he asked quietly, even for him. He didn’t wait for my answer, though, my face telling him everything he needed to know, and he just grunted, even moresoftly thanhis words. I could tell he was disappointed and that he worried about me getting hurt.
I had learned long ago that my family usually seemed to be on the same wavelength about things without even trying. A few Sundays later, right when Perrin and I were coming back to reality at my place, Perrin’s cell rang, asking him to come into thehospital, consult on a special case with Walter Bannon, the current Chief of Surgery,and close family friend. Perrin gave his apologies to me andmy moms for missing Mann Sunday dinner, and I went on my own for the first time in months.
“Jack?” my mom Ellen asked, seeing me alone without Perrin. “Everything ok?” she asked, with a crinkle in her forehead.
Matt snorted from his place in the kitchen. “Of course it’s fine, Mom. Look at him.”
Ellen smiled, “Sorry, that’s right. He had to work – I forgot. I was just used to seeing you and Perrin together. Not just the aftermath.”
I know I turned red at that. Jesus, there was no personal space where theManns were concerned.
CJ came into the kitchen, eyeing me, “You are right, Matt. Well-fucked looks good on him,” she said. “Although,youget to be the one to explain to Piper that Perrin won’t be here.”
Piper loved Perrin and he spent large pieces of his time at Mann Sunday dinner with her specifically. Piper would definitely not be happy with the loss of one of her favorite people, even if it was just for an evening.
“Perrin got called into work,” I explained, again. Before I knew it, Ellen and Rita, as well as CJ, Matt, Quinn, and Baylor were all gathered in the kitchen. Some friends hadbeen invited over, too, but they were either outside with the younger kids or not yet arrived. Normally, all of us in one room would mean loud and crazy, but instead it was low-key tonight. I smelled an impromptu intervention, although theManns were more the love-you-though-it versus the intervene type.
Curiously, it was Matt who began. “So, Jack, since Perrin isn’t here, I wanted to ask you, if you know, you guys had talked about . . ..” Matt sort of seemed to fade then. And Quinn chimed in, being serious for once.
