“Toni.” Ned is at my side, his hand sliding into mine. “I’ll take you home.”
I shake my head, unable to move. “I’m supposed to be the last one to leave.”
Rodney’s mask cracks at the edges, allowing some of the hurt to spill through. “I wish you’d never come.”
Reeling at his words, I bolt past them and back into the building. I hear Ned calling my name as I push through the crowd, but I don’t stop. If he wants to yell at me, I’d rather not hear it. If he wants to comfort me, I don’t deserve it. Everything that’s happened tonight is my own fault. I’ve brought this on myself, and I should suffer for it. I should hurt, the same way I’ve hurt the people I love.
“Goddamn it, Toni.” Ned catches up with me as I burst out of the main entrance to the building. “Will you stop and talk to me?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I pull out my phone and jab at the screen, arranging for a cab. “Thank you for coming to the party with me, but the truth is out now. Continuing this charade would be pointless. All debts are repaid. It’s over, you’re free.”
“I don’t want to be free.” He grabs on to my arms, forcing me to face him. “I’ve fallen for you, Toni.”
I huff out a bitter laugh, lifting my eyebrows at him. “Fallen for a man who has used you, and manipulated you, from day one? Doesn’t that sound a little too familiar?”
Ned tenses, sucking in a breath. “That’s not true. You and I are different.”
“Not so different.” My body is trembling, my heart bleeding, but I can’t ignore the truth any longer. “I may not be the monster Zac is, but I’m part way there. I look like him. I’m selfish like him. I’m a liar like him. I turned you into a liar, too. And when we were in that room, you performed for me the same way you did for him. Seducing your audience, right?” Every inch of me fills with self-loathing. “This thing between us isn’t real, Ned. I’m a stand-in for a mistake you don’t realise you want to repeat, and you’re the convenient hottie who gets off on doing my bidding.”
Hurt blossoms in the depths of his green eyes. His touch falls away. “This is what you do, is it? When someone gets too close, or cares too much, you rip them apart from the inside out.” His laughter is strained, furious, and cut short. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe my initial response to you was some knee-jerk reaction to your physical resemblance to Zac. I can’t say for sure it’s not true. But so what?” he yells, his face twisting in anger. “It’s been over a month since we met. Do you honestly believe I would still be here if you were anything like him? Do you think so little of me? So little of yourself?” He glares at me, before slumping with a heavy sigh. “It’s no wonder you always end up alone.”
Pain lances through me as headlights turn onto the driveway. My cab pulls up beside us. “Goodbye, Ned. Take care of yourself.” Stepping off the curb, I open the car door before looking back at him one last time. “And will you please stop giving yourself to people who aren’t worthy of you?”
Before he has a chance to respond, I get into the car and slam the door closed. “Get me out of here,” I tell the driver, barely sparing him a glance. I keep my eyes trained firmly on the road ahead as we drive away.
NINETEEN
______
NED
It’s after eleven and I’ve been standing outside Toni’s apartment door for at least ten minutes. I should probably knock at some stage.
How the hell did I even end up here? After sitting in my car outside the party venue arguing with myself for half an hour, I made the decision to cut my losses and go home. Then I started the engine and drove straight to Toni’s apartment instead.
He made it clear he doesn’t want me here. After some of the things he said tonight, I shouldn’t want to be here. But I also saw the kicked puppy look on his face when Rodney ousted him from the party. However deserved the rejection may have been, however badly he lashed out at me afterwards, I can’t bear the thought of him being alone tonight.
Heaving a sigh, I finally find the balls to knock on the door. I wait for what feels like forever. Is he planning to ignore me? Is he even home? The lock flips. I breathe again.
The door wrenches partially open and a single eye stares out at me. “How did you get into the building?”
“I got lucky. Slipped in as someone left.”
One dark brow angles downward. “Why are you here?”
“I wanted to make sure you’re all right.” My gut twists as he continues to stare at me, unmoving. Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe he doesn’t want me here a lot more than I thought. Maybe I don’t give a flying fuck about either of those things. Crossing my arms, I stare back. “I’m not leaving until I’m satisfied.”
With an exaggerated eyeroll, he walks away, leaving the door open behind him.
I enter the apartment, locking up before I follow him to the living room.
“As you can see, I’m perfectly fine.” He lifts his hands in the air and turns full circle. “No cause for alarm.”
My lips part as I drink in the sight of him. He’s showered since arriving home. His cheeks are still flushed and his hair is damp, the blond strands finger-combed and curling at the ends. Thin sleep pants hang loose from his hips, and the wide neck of his t-shirt has slipped off one slender shoulder. Everything about his appearance is soft and inviting, despite his tetchy mood. Quite the opposite of the flashy, well-dressed man I’m used to.
At my blatant ogling, he glances down at himself before wrapping his arms around his torso. “Obviously, if I knew you were going to show up at my door like some lost lamb, I would have put in more effort.”
“I like seeing you like this.” I cross the room, wanting to be closer. “You look...”
