TWENTY-THREE
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LAWRENCE
“Tell me about the name,” I said, tucking a hand under my cheek as I gazed at Connor. His head rested close to mine on the pillow as we faced each other. Gabi stood over us on the bed, dressed only in panties and one of my t-shirts, a camera in hand as she played around, taking photos of us. “Clay. Why do you go by that?”
It was late on a Saturday morning, but we had yet to get up—again. Our inability to remove ourselves from Gabi’s bed had become a running joke over the past month. After so many years of living off fantasies and daydreams, there were a lot of ideas to explore, and the three of us were committed to exhausting all of them.
When we weren’t making love, we had so much to talk about. All the stories of each other’s lives to catch up on. Even though Gabi and I had spent those years in the same city, we’d rarely seen each other. When we had, we hadn’t sought each other out to catch up and share news. Gabi hadn’t wanted to get close to me, emotionally or physically. I hadn’t wanted to impose on her boundaries. Funny how all my restraint had crumbled to dust the instant I found out about Connor’s return.
“Clay is what the photographers started calling me in the early days of my career,” Connor replied. “They said I turned into a ball of clay every time I got in front of a camera, they could shape me into whatever they wanted me to be. The name stuck, and my agency liked it so… that’s who I became.”
“What about you?” I asked, not liking the idea of Connor being shaped or moulded by any dickhead with a camera. “Did you like the name?”
“At first.” He rolled further onto his back, looking up into Gabi’s lens. She lowered one knee to the mattress, carefully focusing her next shot. “I figured having only one word for my name made me special, like I’d joined some exclusive group of people who were important enough to get away with it.”
“What about later?” Gabi asked, leaning further to the left as she included me in the frame. We’d grown accustomed to being the subjects of her spontaneous shoots. For her private collection, she’d said when I asked her about them. Having seen some of the photos, I knew they were more about her experimenting with light and mood than anything else. But her photographs were also a reflection of how she saw us, and what she saw was beautiful. “Did you wish you’d chosen something different?”
Connor thought the question over before he responded. “I think I grew tired of what the name represented. Having other people define you all the time, you start to lose focus of who you are. I never had a good sense of me to begin with.”
“I knew exactly who I was,” I told him with a wry grin. “It didn’t help.” Running a single hand over the bare skin of his chest, I enjoyed the freedom I had to touch him and comfort him. “I think life has a tendency to fuck us over no matter what we do.”
His eyebrows lifted as he smiled. “I think I want to hear more about the ways life fucked you over.” He lifted his head up to rest on one bent arm. “I know, tell us about your first threesome.”
I cringed, covering my face with my hands as I rolled over onto my front. “Hell no, it was terrible.”
Gabi chuckled as she dropped down onto her knees between us. Leaning over me, she placed the camera on the bedside table. “You definitely have to tell us now.”
Groaning, I dragged myself up, so I half-reclined against the headboard. “I was at a bar one night, when I noticed this woman giving me the eye. I bought her a drink and we spent a while chatting and flirting. All good, right?” They nodded, both of them grinning as they listened. “Then, her boyfriend shows up,” I continued. “I thought for sure I’d have to talk my way out of a fight, but no. Instead, she introduces us, and she’s got those flirty hands on me as she does it. Instead of being pissed off, the boyfriend starts eye-fucking me, but without coming too close, you know, in case I wasn’t into it.”
“Which, of course, you were,” Gabi said with a snort.
“Hell yes, I was into it,” I admitted. “I’d been wanting to experiment for months. I wasn’t about to turn them down.”
“What went wrong?” Connor rolled onto his stomach before propping himself up on his arms to look at me.
I sighed, resigning myself to telling them the whole uncomfortable story. “We went back to their place and started making out. I had no idea how to make it work, and I don’t think they did either. The second we made it to the bed they were both crawling all over me like a freaking rash. I mean, I like to be the centre of attention as much as anyone, but this was ridiculous. I thought for sure I’d suffocate before we were done, or end up locked in the basement as their sex slave.” Connor and Gabi had both lost it by then. Connor’s forehead rested on my stomach as he let loose a string of guffaws. Gabi had collapsed over his back in fits of laughter. “The experience left much to be desired.”
“What about your first poly relationship?” Gabi asked when she managed to compose herself. “What was it like?”
My smile faded and I turned my face away, not wanting them to see the flicker of shame I knew would inevitably find its way there.
They each reached for one of my hands as they closed in, sitting on either side of me. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Gabi murmured.
“It’s fine.” I shook my head, gazing down at where their fingers threaded through mine. “I met him at a training conference. This happened about three years ago. We hit it off right away. The attraction between us was instant, but the wedding ring on his finger put paid to that. Still, we exchanged numbers and caught up a few times. It was friendly, but just on the wrong side of too friendly. You know what I mean?” They nodded, waiting for me to continue. “I told him we needed to stop seeing each other. I’d started to like him too much and I didn’t want to be involved in cheating—not again. He said it wasn’t cheating. His wife had known about me from the start, and she wanted to meet me.”
Silence fell for a long moment, until Gabi asked in a quiet voice. “What was she like?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “She had this big, bold personality. She gave me shit about everything, but in a way that made me laugh. The day we met, she thanked me for all the orgasms she’d been getting. She said every time her husband came home from a date with me, he fucked her until she couldn’t walk.” I chuckled as I remembered the way she’d laughed as she laid out the bawdy expression of gratitude. “I almost choked on my own tongue before I finally managed to respond.”
“What the fuck do you say to that?” Connor cried, his eyes wide.
“I told her I was happy to be of assistance and if she thought of anything else I could do to help she should let me know.”
“I take it she accepted your offer?” Gabi asked in a droll voice.
“Not right away, but yes, the three of us started sleeping together. It wasn’t just sex though,” I clarified. “We went on dates, we hung out together on weekends. Within a couple of months, I practically lived at their house.” Those initial months had been so carefree and full of fun, I’d been beside myself with happiness. “For the first time in my life I thought maybe I could have what I’d been searching for. What I’d first wanted with the two of you,” I added, glancing from one to the other. They squeezed my hands tighter, offering understanding and acceptance.
