I sat up but made no move to emerge from beneath the covers. Connor might not have noticed the look of uncertainty on Gabi’s face, but I had.
“As lovely as it sounds, I don’t think we’ll all fit.” She cleared her throat before adding, “The shower isn’t anywhere near big enough for three.” She didn’t need to say more. Her sudden reluctance to be in close quarters with both of us had nothing to do with the size of the shower stall.
Morning had come. The world had begun to intrude. We were done.
“That’s fine,” I said, getting out of the bed. “I’ll head back to my room to clean up. My clothes are in there anyway.” Connor watched me in silence from in front of the bathroom door, lines creasing his brow. Gabi remained frozen by the dresser, the phone clutched in her hands while she stared at me with wide, ambivalent eyes.
Yanking a tight smile onto my face, I headed for my room. “See you in a few.”
My gut clenched painfully as I left, closing the adjoining door behind me. I tried not to think about what they were doing as I got into the shower and washed the evidence of our night together down the drain. Would Gabi wash herself of the experience so easily? Would Connor object if she tried?
Fifteen minutes later, I knocked on their door. Which felt weird, but I was no longer sure I had the right to walk in without permission. Connor opened the door, dressed and ready to go, his damp hair falling over his forehead. Gabi’s absence told me she was still in the bathroom.
Connor’s mouth was grim as he drew me into a hug, his arms tight around my neck. Wrapping my own around his waist, I buried my face in his neck, drinking in the feel of him against me. He gripped on to my hair and tugged, lifting my head so his mouth could claim mine. His kisses were soft, unhurried, meant to soothe rather than arouse. I sighed as I sank in to him, tasting the mint of his toothpaste, smelling the vanilla of the hotel soap on his skin.
The bathroom door opened, and Connor stepped away from me. He licked his lips, as if savouring the last of my taste, but his eyes were for Gabi alone. I had the answer to one of my questions. Connor wouldn’t fight for me, not if it meant going against the wishes of the woman he loved.
Sliding my hands into my pockets, I swallowed the bile rising in my throat. The sooner we ended this the better. Watching them back away from me one halting step at a time was too fucking painful.
“Thank you both for last night,” I began, my voice as neutral as I could manage. “It was more than I ever imagined, it was…” I had no words to describe the solace I’d received, or the aching need that tore me anew. “But it’s over now, and I want you to know I won’t bother you anymore or interfere with your relationship. I won’t contact either of you behind the other’s back or try to scheme my way into your lives.
“I want to be with both of you,” I clarified, although the thought they would ever doubt me now seemed laughable, “and I want you to be with each other. If you want that, you know where to find me. If you don’t, I’ll understand and stay away. I love you enough to leave you alone.” My throat hurt from saying the words and, though I tried to swallow, I couldn’t get past the lump lodged there. “Let’s go down to breakfast, shall we?” I started for the door, but Gabi spoke, bringing me to a halt.
“How about Connor and I go first,” she said in a quiet voice, her hands clasped in front of her. “Then, you come down in a couple of minutes. If we all show up together, people might know.”
Connor shook his head. “Gabi, we’ve known each other our whole lives. No one is going to guess we spent the night together because we show up in the dining room at the same time.”
“Frank could,” she insisted.
I swore under my breath. She had a point. Frank knew me better than anyone. He knew I was in love with Gabi, and he knew the kind of relationship I sought. If he saw the guilty blush in Gabi’s cheek when she sat beside me, the way Connor and I looked at each other, he could figure it out. Now wasn’t the time or place for such revelations. “You’re right,” I agreed. “You should go down first.”
With a few quick strides, Gabi threw her arms around me, her face distraught. “I’m sorry, Law,” she rasped in my ear. “I know I’m hurting you and I hate it. But my entire extended family is downstairs. I need time to think and I can’t do that when I’m in the same building as my grandmother.”
I managed a quiet laugh at her words. “It’s okay, Gabi. We’re okay, I promise.” My heart broke as I placed a soft, lingering kiss on her lips, sure it would be the last. “You two go ahead without me.”
Taking a step back, she accepted Connor’s outstretched hand. “Don’t be long,” he said before escorting Gabi out the door.
After they were gone, I sank onto the side of the bed. The tangled mess of sheets behind me were barely cold. When I lifted one of the pillows, I could still smell traces of them on the white cotton. Jaw clenching, I dug my fingers into the softness. Stark need pierced my heart and I groaned aloud in frustration.
It didn’t matter if they cared about me, it didn’t even matter if they loved me. A three-person relationship was too hard to maintain, even without the shocked gasps of family members and the judgemental stares of strangers. Gabi and Connor were a couple now, as they were always meant to be. I had no right to try to insert myself into their relationship. I already knew how that would end, and I didn’t want to be the reason they fell apart. I wouldn’t do that to them.
Stalking back into my room, I tossed my belongings into my suitcase. Within minutes, I headed downstairs to settle my bill at the front desk and check out. I waited until I’d gotten into my car before sending a quick text to Frank, apologising for missing breakfast. I wished him and Caroline luck on their honeymoon before putting the phone on silent.
Disappointment burned in my gut as I drove out of the parking garage. Living with myself had been hard enough when the idea of being with Gabi and Connor had been no more than a long-held fantasy. Now I’d experienced the reality of it, the undeniable rightness of it… there would be no fulfillment with anyone else.
My love for them would ruin me.
TWENTY-ONE
______
GABI
Awkward. That was the only word I could use to describe the atmosphere in the car on the way home. Perhaps I could extend it to awkward as all hell.
Connor and I didn’t talk about Law’s failure to show up at breakfast. Perhaps I should have been thankful he’d saved us all from the discomfort of trying to make it through tea and toast without giving ourselves away. Instead, I felt a gaping hole in my chest, as if a part of me had been torn away.
Exhaustion set in as we dragged ourselves, and our luggage, up the stairs to our apartment. I’d barely managed eight hours sleep in the past two nights and my eyelids were heavy with the need for a nap. When I turned to Connor, he didn’t look any better, the lines of his handsome face drawn into a deep frown.
