Chapter 12
“There has to be something more I can do.” The words leapt out of Harrison’s mouth the moment he stepped through the door.
Dr Laurel Kay watched him pace around her office for a moment before she said, “You could start by taking a seat.”
Coming to a halt, Harrison took in the older woman’s raised eyebrows and nodded. “Right, sorry.” He lowered himself into the armchair opposite her, though he stayed perched on the edge of the plush cushion, his legs twitching with suppressed energy.
“That’s a little bit better,” Laurel conceded as she sat forward in her chair. “I haven’t seen you in a long time, Harrison.”
“Almost two years,” he confirmed, wishing it had been longer. “Thanks for squeezing me in so quickly.”
“No problem,” she said. “How have you been?”
“Green, mostly.” His words made her smile widen and he rubbed his hands over his face. “I mean good. I’ve been good.”
“Hey, it’s nice to know some of my methods stand the test of time.” Relaxing back into her chair, she lifted her chin at him. “What brings you back?”
Harrison mirrored her position, hoping to convey an equal level of calm, though inside he was on the verge of a meltdown. “I wanted to touch base, see if there are any new research developments, maybe some new protective factors that have been found since the last time I saw you.”
“I see.” She tilted her head to one side, a sure sign she wasn’t buying what he was selling. “Are the ones you’ve been using not doing their job?”
“They are,” he assured her. “But I figure it makes sense to keep up with the latest research.”
“True,” she said with a slow nod. “I read an interesting article the other day about the link between omega-3 fatty acids and—”
“I already eat fish twice a week.” Harrison waved a dismissive hand. “I need something new, something more.”
Laurel gave him that look, the one that said she now had enough ammunition to start messing with his head. “Harrison, how many rules do you currently have in place?”
And here he was about to give her more ammunition. “Fifteen.”
“Wow.” Her mouth held that O shape for a long time, as if she was genuinely surprised. She wasn’t. “You didn’t even have to think about that.”
“You know I don’t like to leave anything to chance.” He gestured to her with one hand. “You gave me most of them.”
“I gave those rules to a fourteen-year-old boy who was desperate for a way to gain some control over his life,” she said, pointing a finger at him. “You’re in a different place now, you’re a different person. The rules we put in place can continue to help you support your mental health, of course they can, but they aren’t a cure.”
“I know that.” He gave her an exasperated look. “There is no cure for what’s inside me, I get it. But there must be a way to contain it.”
“Contain it?” she repeated with a laugh. “That sounds great, but I’m all out of magical lock boxes. Your depression can’t be contained, Harrison, it can only be managed.”
Frowning, he sat back in the chair and crossed his arms.
“I know you don’t like me using that word but avoiding it doesn’t change your diagnosis,” she said, unrepentant. “You’ve done an excellent job of managing your depressive episodes for a long time now—”
“That’s not good enough anymore.” He shook his head, holding his hands up in denial. “Ihaveto stay healthy.”
Pressing her lips together, Laurel frowned at him. “How long has it been since your last episode?”
“Ten months,” he replied. “It’s the longest I’ve ever lasted, the rules are working I just… I have to stay on top of it.”
“For him?” she asked, a knowing gleam in her eyes.
Harrison wasn’t surprised she’d figured out the real problem, she was good at that. “Yes.”
Laurel had known he was gay nearly as long as he had. She was the first person he’d talked to about his orientation. It had taken a year and a half of therapy before he’d trusted her enough to say the words. She was one of the few people in his life who had never let him down and he trusted her opinion implicitly.
The faint lines around Laurel’s eyes crinkled as she smiled at him. “What’s he like?”
