Chapter 11
“We’ll definitely finish this part tonight.” Harrison paused, paintbrush still in hand, as he surveyed their work. They’d placed ladders at either end of the wall, using them to support a thick plank of wood for standing on. It wasn’t the safest scaffolding in the world, but they weren’t far off the ground either. Side by side, they’d been painting for about an hour and a half, breaking only to eat a quick dinner. “I’ll need one more night to make it look pretty,” Harrison added. “After that, your feature wall will be complete.”
Jeremy finished filling the bottom of a capital I with white paint before he responded. “It’s going to be awesome. I can’t wait to see how my customers react to the finished product.”
“You’ll have to let me know how it goes.” Dipping his brush into the tin of paint, Harrison turned his gaze back to the letter in front of him, though his attention was locked on the man at his side. “After all, I won’t have a valid reason to come around here anymore.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jeremy stop what he was doing to look at him. “No reason?” he asked. “Not even one?”
“Oh, I’ve got plenty of personal reasons to be here,” Harrison assured him. “But you have to remember, I used this job as a way to get my foot in the door with a man who claimed not to be on the market.” He glanced sideways at Jeremy, who watched him with an intense expression, that bottom lip caught firmly between his teeth. “Of course, if he’s had a change of heart,” he gave a nonchalant shrug, “that would be different.”
Jeremy’s lips quirked at the corners as he went back to his painting. “What if he did decide to put himself back on the market? What would you do?”
“I’d ask him out on a date,” Harrison said without hesitation, “before someone else beat me to it.”
A quiet hum of consideration was the only response.
Silence fell as they returned to their work, filling each letter Harrison had outlined with a coat of white paint. Jeremy had seemed thrilled when Harrison suggested he could help with this part if he wanted to. At first, Jeremy had expressed concern about his lack of artistic skill, but he’d approached the task with such diligence and care, Harrison soon felt that lift return to the corners of his mouth. He was getting used to the idea of smiling without thought or effort, though so far only Jeremy inspired the spontaneous motion.
That was why he’d felt compelled to mention the upcoming completion of their project. Despite the fact they’d started having sex, Jeremy had yet to say anything about what would happen after the wall was done. The man had his reasons for holding back and Harrison didn’t want to push, but he couldn’t discount the possibility their time together was running out. The idea was a persistent irritation at the back of Harrison’s mind. To lose Jeremy now would be like getting a glimpse of sunlight for the first time, only to be plunged back into darkness.
Harrison could survive darkness. He’d done it before. But he hoped, truly hoped this time, his future might be brighter than he’d imagined.
“I never did tell you how I ended up homeless on my sister’s doorstep, did I?”
The topic seemed to come out of nowhere, but Harrison knew better. There was a tension in Jeremy now that hadn’t been there before. His hand had acquired a slight tremor that threatened the upper curve of the S he was working on.
Reaching out, Harrison took hold of Jeremy’s wrist to prevent further damage. “You don’t have to tell me anything,” he said. “Your past is your business, not anyone else’s.” A convenient truth he used when he was reluctant to share his own secrets, but a truth he believed nonetheless.
“That would be true if the past stayed where it belonged.” Jeremy looked at the wobbly line he’d painted before releasing a heavy sigh. “I’m messing it up.”
Harrison took a step closer on the wooden plank. “It’s nothing that can’t be fixed.” Using his own brush, he retraced the line Jeremy had painted, smoothing out the bumps. “See? All better.” Returning to his own position, he started working on another letter. “You were saying?”
There was a long pause, and then, “The first time I stayed with Anna was when I broke up with my boyfriend, Aaron. We’d been living together so, her couch became home for a while. That was about seven months ago now.” Jeremy stared at the wall, his paintbrush held limply in one hand. “It wasn’t what you’d call a healthy relationship.”
“How so?” Harrison kept his movements slow and even as he listened.
“I kind of got lost in it.” The words seemed to be coming more freely now, and Jeremy reloaded his brush and started working again. “Aaron had a pretty messed up childhood. Neglect, foster care, lots of moving around, that kind of thing. It left a lot of scars, the kind you can’t see. You know what I mean?”
Harrison froze, one hand still in the air. Yeah, he knew all about those kinds of scars. Not trusting his voice to speak without cracking, he gave Jeremy a nod of understanding.
“It wasn’t until after I left him that I understood how bad we were for each other. He was possessive and demanding, and I was… compliant.” The word was charged with a heavy dose of self-contempt. “He took everything I had to give and then got pissed at me when I failed to give more.” Jeremy’s throat moved as he swallowed, his usual joviality stripped away to reveal the part of him that was intimate with sorrow. “I let him treat me like crap because I wanted to save him, make him better. But nothing ever worked.” Jeremy looked up and their gazes met. “Some people can’t be fixed, no matter how hard you try.”
Harrison recognised the guilt on Jeremy’s face. He’d both felt and caused that kind of guilt at different times in his life, and he knew the futility of it from both sides. “How long were you together?”
“Six years.”
Harrison tried not to flinch at the answer. That length of time, in that sort of relationship, spoke of the kind of loyalty that bordered on martyrdom. “Six years is a long time.”
“Too fucking long,” Jeremy agreed, huffing out a breath. “When I love someone, I would do anything for them. Now I realise that’s not always a good thing. I need to take care of myself, too. I didn’t do that when I was with Aaron. That’s why I decided, a couple of months after I left, I needed to spend some time on my own. Sort myself out, you know?”
“Yeah.” Harrison swallowed, trying to clear the lump in his throat, before he spoke again. “And now?”
The slightest hint of a smile tugged at Jeremy’s lips. “I don’t want to be alone anymore, but I think I still need to be careful who I spend time with. I can’t trust myself enough to be around people who are…”
“Damaged?” Harrison finished for him.
Nodding, Jeremy bit down on his lips, as if getting up the courage to say what came next. “Aaron’s pain brought out the parts of me that were willing to hurt myself to make him happy. I don’t ever want to hurt myself like that again.”
