I feel nothing. No spark. No flutter. Just a rising wave of cold.
I make a sound like I’m fast asleep.
He kisses my shoulder.
“Baby, wake up,” he cajoles, trying again, like we haven’t drifted into two entirely differentsolar systems.
I mumble something like I’m in the middle of my REM cycle.
I don’t know if I’m fooling him or not, but I don’t care.
I can’t make love with him. Not after he was with another woman.
I saw them kiss, but they’ve probably had sex, too. Did he ever make love to her and then come home and fuck me? Because that’s what it is, isn’t it? Fucking…when there is no love?
I relax my body to convince him to leave me alone so I can sleep.
How many wives do this as a way to not have sex with their spouses?
The cliché of it stings, but the truth behind it is worse. I’m in so much pain, from what he did, from holding back the truth, from pretending we’re stillus.
He hesitates. His hand lingers a moment before he withdraws it.
I can feel the tension seeping out of him.
Confusion.
Frustration.
Guilt?
I almost want to comfort him. The old me would. She would’ve rolled over and kissed him. Told him it was okay. That she understood. That tomorrow would be better.
But that Mia has packed her bags and left.
I feel his lips brush against my cheek. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”
That guts me. He calls Diana sweetheart, too.Is he thinking of her right now?
I don’t say anything.
If I open my mouth, I’ll scream. Or cry. Or admit that I miss him, too, and that would be worse than either of those.
He lies on his back.
I listen to his breathing settle.
It doesn’t take him long—it never does. Five minutes later, he’s out.
It takes me longer to fall asleep as I grieve the loss of the illusion of Aiden, of a man who made me believe love was enough. A man who doesn’t exist.
I have to face facts. He doesn’t love me; if he did, he wouldn’t have touched Diana. If he did, he wouldn’t have abandoned me the way he has.
The kiss I witnessed is the culmination of what’s been going on for two long years.
That kiss was my wake-up call.
CHAPTER 4
