‘Mmm, sounds good. I love Mexican.’
‘And we can make a plum tart for dessert.’ Sive was a decent cook, but baking was what she really loved. ‘I can give you a masterclass in pastry.’
‘So, what time do you want me? I can go grocery shopping with you, if you like – help with the heavy lifting.’
‘That’d be great. Come over around eleven? Then we can go to the supermarket early and hang out for the day.’
‘Great!’ Sam grinned. ‘It’s a date.’
Sive felt a little glow of happiness. Of course it wasn’t really a date, she told herself firmly. They were just friends now. But whatever it was, she’d never looked forward so much to a trip to the supermarket.
Sive was sick with nerves as she walked the short distance to Ben’s house at eleven the following morning. She’d timed it carefully. He’d said to call any time before twelve, so she presumed he had somewhere to be after that and she was grateful for the time limit. Part of her had wanted to go earlier to get it over with, but she’d held off. She needed to give this conversation adequate time, but she also didn’t want it to be drawn out longer than was necessary or comfortable for either of them.
Her heart pounded as she pushed open the garden gate and she had a strong urge to turn and run. If only she could just shove a note through the letterbox. But she forced herself to walk up the short path and ring the doorbell.
‘Hi, Sive! It’s lovely to see you.’ Ben’s mum Bridget gave her a welcoming smile, but Sive could tell she felt awkward, her eyes wary as she ushered Sive inside. She didn’t know what Ben had told his mum about their break-up, but she’d obviously know that Ben had met someone else. Had she met Anna Purna? ‘Long time no see. Come on in. Ben said you were coming over,’ she said as Sive stepped into the hall. ‘He’s upstairs. I’ll just call him.’
But there was no need. Ben appeared at the top of the stairs and Sive felt an odd disconnect, comfortable familiarity mingling with trepidation. Because here was Ben, her childhood friend and first love who’d been by her side more than half her life, and yet at the same time there was an element of the unknown about him now. She wasn’t sure who he was anymore, what they were to each other. He rubbed the back of his neck in an achingly familiar gesture and her heart sank. He wasn’t pleased to see her. She wished she didn’t know all his tells.
‘Hi, Sive. I thought I heard you.’ Ben smiled at her as he descended the stairs and all her fears and anxiety seemed to melt away. He was still just Ben, the shy, gentle boy she’d played with in the park; the first boy she’d kissed; the boy who’d been herdate for her debs; the boy who’d held her while she’d sobbed and sobbed after her parents died.
‘Ben, hi!’ She smiled back at him, her voice wavering. She felt a sharp stab of longing for the way things used to be. She wished that instead of coming to meet her in the hall, he’d beckon her upstairs as he had so many times in the past and they could go to his room and lie on the bed together watching Netflix and talking about nothing more momentous than what they’d had for dinner or their plans for the weekend. It was hard to believe that only a couple of months ago things had been so different. She wanted to reel back the years, so that Anna Purna had never existed, and she could fall asleep with his arms wrapped around her and his body warm against hers, his breathing as steady as his heart as they dozed off together.
But the feeling was gone as quickly as it came. Everything was different now. There was a distance between them, and she certainly didn’t feel that spark of fizzy excitement that she did with Sam. She wondered had she ever.
‘Cup of tea?’ Bridget asked Sive.
‘No thanks. I won’t stay long.’
‘I’ll leave you to it, then.’ Bridget nodded and bustled off towards the kitchen.
‘Come in.’ Ben jerked his head to the living room and held the door open for her.
Sive brushed past him and sat on the sofa. He didn’t join her, standing in front of the fireplace facing her, his hands dug into the pockets of his jeans.
‘So, what did you want to talk about?’ he asked. The warmth she’d felt from his smile was gone and he seemed wary.
She took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. ‘I have something to tell you.’
‘You could have just texted.’ There was the hint of hostility in his tone.
Sive shook her head. ‘It’s not the sort of thing you can say in a text. It’s kind of big.’
Ben looked down at his feet, shuffling on the floor. ‘If you want to get back together—’
‘No!’ Sive practically shouted. ‘It’s not that.’ She gritted her teeth, trying to tamp down her anger at the arrogance of that assumption. But it made it easier for her to spit out what she had to say without worrying about softening the blow for him. ‘I’m pregnant.’
‘Oh.’ The shift in his expression was instant, and Sive saw every emotion that flitted across his face – shock, fear, confusion. He sank into the armchair next to her, momentarily stunned into silence. ‘And … you’re saying it’s mine?’
‘Yes, it’s yours.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Certain.’ She faced him squarely, not letting him avoid her gaze. ‘There’s been no one else since—not like that. It’s definitely yours.’
‘Right. Wow!’ His eyes widened boyishly, and once again she caught a glimpse of the Ben she’d known and loved for so many years. She had another fleeting moment of wishing they were still together, so that he’d wrap his arms around her and they’d discuss what they were going to do because they were in this together. She’d imagined this moment with him so many times – but not like this. Nothing like this.
‘Anyway, I just thought you should know. I’m not asking you for anything. If you want to be involved, you can be. If you don’t, that’s fine too.’
