“We spent the whole weekend thinking about you,” Em says.
“We were there to watch you,” Auggie says.
I rub my hand over my hair. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m not sure I’m enough for you.”
“You are,” Auggie says.
“I love you,” Em reminds me.
I wave my hand. “I know. I’m being silly. Ignore me.”
“We could never ignore you. We care too much about you to do that,” Auggie says.
“Why don’t you think you’re enough for us?” Em asks.
My gut twists, but I’ve said too much to clam up now. I need to put my insecurities on the table. “The two of you do things together that I’ll never be able to get involved in. It’s not even like I want to, but I know you’re more intimate with each other than either of you will ever be with me. It’s like feeling like you’re missing out on a party that you never wanted to go to in the first place. Does that make sense?”
“It does, but it’s not true,” Em says.
“How? You guys have sex.”
Em flushes. “We haven’t had sex.”
I stare at him. “You’ve had oral sex.”
“True, but we haven’t had penetrative sex. My point is that we’re not more intimate with each other than we are with you. It’s a different kind of intimacy.”
“Emory is right. There are so many ways to be intimate with someone, and most of them don’t involve sex. Emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy. Romantic intimacy. I know we haven’t been a triad for long, but you give us all of that, Casey,” Auggie says.
“In spades,” Em says.
I chuckle. “That sounds like something my granddad would have said.”
Auggie strokes my shoulder. “Sexual intimacy isn’t the be-all and end-all. It’s one way of being close to someone. I’d rather give up sex altogether than lose the emotional connection I’ve built with you two. Fuck, I can’t believe I said that. Double fuck. It’s true. Fuck.”
“That’s a whole lot of fucks,” Em says.
“No one is asking you to give up sex,” I say.
“Oh, thank fuck for that. Just know that I would if I needed to.”
“I appreciate your gesture, but I’d never ask either of you not to have sex. I don’t know why I’m feeling jealous when I don’t want it.”
Em runs his finger over the back of my hand. “I don’t think it’s jealousy. Like you said, you felt insecure over the weekend, but you don’t need to, Casey.”
“We adore you,” Auggie says.
“I adore you too, but am I doing enough? Is there something I should be doing that I’m not? Another way I could be intimate with you that I haven’t thought of? I mean, we kiss, cuddle, and snuggle. We’ve shared a bed. But is there anything else?”
“Not that I can think of. You’re doing what you’re comfortable with, and that’s all we’d ever ask of you,” Auggie says.
Em hugs me. “I love you. I need you exactly as you are. I’d be lost without you.”
I smile at his words.
“I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. This triad wouldn’t work without you,” Auggie says.
“Well, no, you’d be a couple.”
