“I don’t deserve you,” I croak. “You’ve been wonderful, patient, and amazing. And I’ve used you.”
“You haven’t,” he whispers. “We agreed, right from the start, that there wouldn’t be any strings. You told me you’d had a bad break-up. You told me you had trust issues.”
I open my eyes and stroke his cheek. “But I also told you I trusted you.”
“You do, to a point. You’ve trusted me to guide you through being with a man. That’s huge, Jett. But I get it. You can’t trust me with your heart. At least I understand why now.” He kisses my forehead. “Thank you for telling me. It’s not your fault that I fell for you. I’ll stay with you tonight. You need a hug. Lots and lots of hugs. But I don’t think we should keep doing this. You’re ready to put yourself out there if and when you want to. But we want different things now. I should have told you sooner that I wanted more than sex. Again, that’s on me.”
I clutch his shoulders. “Stop taking all the blame.”
He smiles. “I’m not. I’m taking some of the blame. We’re both at fault here. It’s not all on you, and it’s not all on me. I will always treasure every second we’ve spent together. This has been an amazing month. You are a wonderful man. I—” He kisses me. Tears gather in his lashes. “Let’s go back to bed. I’ll take care of you, Jett. Whatever you need from me, ask. I’ll gladly give it.”
“I don’t deserve you,” I whisper.
“Of course you do. I’ll always be your friend. And your best friend’s younger brother. You can’t get rid of me. We just won’t be having sex anymore.” He stands, but I cling to him so he tumbles back down.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“I just told you—”
“That’s not what I meant. I don’t want you as a friend. Fuck. Of course I want you as a friend, but I want more. I want all of you.”
Kian’s chin trembles.
I stare into his pale green eyes. “I want to trust you with everything. My body.” I take his hand and press his palm against my chest. “My heart.”
“Your eternal soul?”
We both choke out a laugh.
I suck in a breath. “I’m sorry for stringing you along for so long. I should have been brave much sooner. I hope it’s not too late to be brave now.” I brush the tears spilling down his cheeks away with my thumbs. “I want to be your boyfriend, Kian.” I’m trembling.
His lips quiver into a tentative smile. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“Then I need you to know that you don’t have to come out until you’re ready. I don’t want you to do something you’re not comfortable with. I never wanted that.”
“I know. But I can’t expect you to be with me secretly either.”
“I kinda already am.”
“No. We’ve been having sex in secret. Asking you to do that was bad enough. But a proper relationship? That has to be out in the open.”
He shakes his head. “It doesn’t, Jett.”
“Maybe I want it to be out in the open. Assuming you even want me after everything I’ve said and done.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m broke. I’m a loser who got conned. I almost let fear come between us. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I kept stringing you along because I was too afraid to fully trust you, even though you’ve never done anything to make me doubt you. Why would you want to date someone as pathetic as me?”
“You’re not pathetic.”
“I am.”
Kian rolls his eyes. “I’m not going to get into an argument over whether you’re pathetic or not. I’m right, you’re wrong, end of discussion.”
“See? This is why I adore you. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you that.”
