“Sweet? Funny? Loyal? You make me sound like a dog.”
Maybe I am a dog following its master around without question. Aria was right. I do run to heel every time Jett snaps his fingers. It’s been a month, and he’s not even hinted that he wants more than casual sex. I’m such an idiot.
I rub my neck. “You know what? I just realised my tutor wants to see the draft proposal for my research project on Wednesday, and I’m not even close to being ready to hand it in.” I give him a swift kiss. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”
“Now? Kian, it’s almost midnight.” He holds my hand. “Stay the night. I’ll wake you early in the morning so you can go home and get some work done.”
“I sleep better in my own bed. It’s been fun. Call me when you want to do it again.” I shake my hand free of his, collect my clothes from where they’re scattered around the room, and get dressed.
“Do you know what you want to do for your research project yet?”
“I have a few ideas. That’s the point of my meeting on Monday. To talk those ideas through and develop a more concrete plan.”
“Do you know where you want to go?”
I dip my chin. “I’m not sure yet. Maybe Andalucia. The flora and fauna there are very different to the UK.”
“Andalucia? Isn’t that in Spain?”
“Yes.”
“For six weeks?”
“Yes, about that.” I lean over and kiss him. “Call me?”
“I will. Do you want me to drive you home?”
“While that’s very gentlemanly of you, I’ll be fine. The buses are still running.” I kiss his forehead. As much as I want to go, I want to stay. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you soon.” I stand and walk to the door.
“Kian.” Jett’s voice stops me in my tracks. “Have I done something wrong?”
I sag against the door, push my hair out of the way, and rest my hand against my forehead. “I can’t keep doing this.” My voice is so quiet I’m not sure I even spoke out loud.
“You—”
I turn around, hands clenched at my sides. “I thought I was okay with keeping things casual, but I’m not. Not anymore. I like you, Jett. I really, really like you. I thought—I thought if I gave you enough time that maybe, just maybe, you’d choose to be with me. Not for sex but because you like me.” I push my fingers against my chest until it hurts. “I’m sorry. I’ve loved spending time with you. You’re wonderful, kind, sweet, and everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. But I can’t be your casual thing anymore.”
I turn to go, but before I make it out the door, Jett’s arms close around me from behind. He presses his face to my shoulder. His chest shudders against my back.
“Don’t go,” he croaks. “Can we talk?”
“Is there anything left to say?”
“Yes, plenty.”
I shake my head.
“Kian, please.” His voice is full of desperation.
My shoulders sag. “Talk.”
“I adore you,” he whispers. “I don’t want to lose you. But I’m scared.”
I swallow. “Of what?”
He sobs against my shoulder.
I raise my hand and stroke his hair. My resolve to leave is fading fast. He needs me. I need him. “Is it because you’re not ready to come out as bi? Because I don’t need you to, Jett. That’s not why I’m walking away. I’m walking away because—” The end of my sentence is swallowed by a strangled sob. I’ve already told him why. Repeating it won’t change anything.
