I glower at him. But then, how could he understand? I didn’t tell him what happened between Erica and me. I still don’t want to.
“Did she cheat on you?” Rufus asks. “Because I could get how that would lead to trust issues.”
Trust issues. Yes, I have those. But not because she cheated.
Rufus squeezes my shoulder. “Look, you could spend your whole life guarding your heart, not trusting it to anyone so it doesn’t get broken, or you could take a chance. Who knows? It might lead to true love.”
I snort. “True love doesn’t exist.”
“Tell that to the people who wrote fairy tales.”
I open my mouth, shut it, and shake my head. What’s the point in telling him that fairy tales aren’t like the movies and that most of them have the exact opposite of happy endings?
“How long do you think she’ll be happy with a casual relationship?” Rufus asks.
“I don’t know.”
“Because if she gets bored, you’re going to lose her.”
I know I’ll lose him. “What if they don’t want more?”
“She’s sleeping with you, isn’t she?”
“That doesn’t mean they want to date me.”
“How do you know unless you ask?”
I sip my beer.
“I tell you what. Ask her out on a double date with Halle and me. That way, I get to meet her and vet her, and I can tell her how awesome you are.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Aww, you want to keep her all to yourself. That’s a sign you really like her.” He leans across and speaks into my ear. “Ask her out.” He sits upright. “I can recommend a lovely Italian restaurant. Or you could take her to see a film.”
“I’m not ready to date again.”
“Don’t you trust her?”
I suck in a breath. Do I trust Kian? I trust him enough to fool around with him. To do things I’d only ever imagined doing before he intervened. I’ve even been debating asking him to introduce me to bottoming. But trusting him to instruct me in sex is different to trusting him with my heart. Not that I think he’d do what Erica did—I don’t—but… What is the ‘but’ that’s holding me back? The chance Kian isn’t as interested as I think he is? The chance he’ll reject me once he finds out how pathetic and gullible I am?
“It’s not that simple,” I whisper.
“Sure it is. You either trust her, or you don’t. You like her, or you don’t.”
I’d love to be Rufus. He seems to see the world in shades of black and white. Zeroes and ones. But life isn’t like that. Relationships aren’t like that. I like Kian. I do trust him with some things. But am I ready to enter into a relationship after the shit show that was my last one? Am I ready to come out to the world?
“Well, fuck, you look miserable.” Rufus sips his beer. “If you’re seeing your lady friend tonight, you’d better put a smile on your face, or there’s no way she’s going to want to have sex with you. Does she go down on you? A blow job always puts a smile on my face.”
I groan. “Too much information.”
He pats my chest with the back of his hand. “Think about a double date with Halle and me.”
“I won’t.”
“Are you seeing her tonight?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t arranged anything.”
