“You did, but it doesn’t hurt to check in, does it? You might have changed your mind.”
He taps his forefinger against his lips. “Let me think. Have I changed my mind about spending time with a sexy guy who is great in bed? Um, no.”
I cup his cheeks. “You could have more with someone else.”
Something unrecognisable flits through his pale green eyes. “I don’t want more with someone else. I want this with you. Have you changed your mind?”
“No.” I shouldn’t, but I give him a gentle kiss.
He tugs my underwear. “Come back to bed.”
I put my hands on his hips, pull him to me, press my face against his shoulder, and breathe him in.
He wraps his arms around me and strokes his thumbs over my back. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. My head’s just full of thoughts tonight.”
“Making it hard to sleep?”
“Yes.”
“Want to talk about it?”
I inhale deeply. What would I say? That I think he’s amazing. That I’m still worried I’m using him and that’s why we should probably end things, only I don’t want to because he makes me happy. That I’m selfish for wanting to keep him close instead of setting him free. That I’m relieved he’s happy with the way things are because I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t give him more either.
I shake my head. “No. I’ll figure it out.”
Kian’s grip lightens for a second, then tightens again. “You can talk to me,” he whispers. “I hope you know that. I’m a good listener.”
I move my hands from his hips to his back. “I know. This is just something I need to figure out on my own.”
“Okay.”
That’s one of the things I adore about Kian: he doesn’t push. He offers support but doesn’t force it on me. He lets me come to him in my own time.
“Kian.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re amazing.”
He chuckles. “Well, I know that, but it’s nice to hear it. You’re pretty awesome too. Come to bed. Unless you do want to fuck me against the window.” He shivers. “I wouldn’t say no to that.”
“Um, no.” The thought of someone in the flats opposite opening their curtain to an eyeful of Kian and me having sex makes my pulse race in a bad way.
I close the curtain, bathing the room in darkness, take Kian’s hand, and lead him to the bed. I get in first and crawl to the other side while he gets in beside me and cuddles up close.
“Are you leaving these on?” He runs his finger along the inside of the waistband of my underwear.
I wriggle out of them and toss them onto the floor. I like being skin to skin with Kian.
“What can I do to help you sleep?” he asks in a soft, barely there whisper.
I don’t know. He’s the reason my head is messy and won’t quiet down so I can sleep. Not that it’s his fault. Kian has done nothing wrong and everything right. He’s been the perfect no-strings fuck buddy these last three weeks. The perfect teacher. The perfect safe person to have all my firsts with a man.
“Distract me,” I reply after a long pause.
“I can do that.”
