"You'll gain more confidence," I promise. "I was nervous too."
"Aye, I'm sure you were. But you were probably closer to twenty, not thirty-one.”
"I don't think that makes a difference."
"Have you always known you were gay?" Callan rubs the back of his neck. "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that."
"I figured it out in my teen years. But I didn't really do anything about it until I met Darragh. He was my first."
Callan half closes his eyes. His lips pursed thoughtfully. "You were twenty-five?”
"Yes."
He laughs. "That's still closer to twenty than thirty-one is."
"Only just. Seriously, Cal, you don't have to feel embarrassed about anything with me. I lost my virginity recently enough to be able to remember how it felt."
"Did you…? Or did he…?"
"Are you asking me if I topped or bottomed?"
Callan’s face is so red I'm convinced he’s going to spontaneously combust. He squeaks as he nods.
"Both. Darragh was a switch."
"A what?"
"Some men like to exclusively top, and some prefer to exclusively bottom. Some enjoy both. They're known as versatile. Some gay men don’t like anal at all.”
“What do you prefer?”
“I don’t mind. I’ve topped and bottomed before. I’m happy to do either.”
Callan lets out a breath. His shoulders drop a little as the tension eases out of his body. "I don't think I'd be able to…"
"That's fine. You don't have to. We don't have to have sex at all."
"We don’t?” He gestures to me. “You're talking about right now, aren't you? I mean, you're going to want to eventually. Everyone wants to have sex eventually."
“First, sex doesn’t have to mean anal. Second, not everyone wants to have sex. There are people who don't need or want it."
"But you do? You've had sex before. That must mean you enjoy sex."
"Does it? Having sex doesn't necessarily equate to enjoying it.”
"No, I suppose not."
"Do I enjoy sex? Yes. Could I live without it? Yes. There are other things we could do when you're ready. There's no rush." I keep stroking his face reassuringly. "And no pressure. You tell me what you're ready to do when you're ready to do it. I'll wait."
"You're one of those guys who’s too good to be true, aren't you?"
I chuckle. "Hardly."
"You are." He presses his palm against my cheek. "Do you think I'd have realised I was into you earlier if we hadn't been torn apart?"
"Maybe." I stare at him, unsure if I should say the words on the tip of my tongue. What do I have to lose? He's here with me right now. He's told me he wants me, even though he’s confused. "I knew I was gay because I fancied you."
"Me?"
